Need a Breather

Primero and I had another fight this morning. During it he compared me to both his biological mother and father and it cut me very deeply. He accused me of not being affectionate with him. I accused him of not caring about anything or anyone but himself. And, now that I reflect on the whole thing, I feel like the worst parental caregiver on the planet. I hate these moments. I hate that these stupid things keep coming up and I hate how I handle everything. I’m fairly certain I am doing it all wrong and messing everything up. I’m pretty sure I don’t deserve these kids and even more sure that I need a little break, which will be next to impossible to get because respite is such a premium these days. But, I really do need a breather.

I found out yesterday, from a family worker at CHOR who comes to visit Chica Marie to work on completing her child prep and profile, that the older sister was moved to a different foster home. I was appalled, given how gung-ho the foster family was at court just a few short weeks ago. They had been so in love with this child, so amazed at how differently she was acting and how wonderfully she was fitting into their home and life. And *poof* it’s all over and that poor child is once again bouncing around foster homes. She was moved just last week but the family worker said she thinks the girl’s current foster home is just a temporary stop until she is moved yet again when the county case worker is back from vacation. I mentioned to the family worker how surprised I was, given their attitude the last time I saw them, and she said she didn’t really know what transpired but had heard the girl was talking about boyfriends and some inappropriate relationship things. I have no idea what this means, but I feel bad for the child who is now in her 6^th foster home since being in care less than 18 months. I now wonder if they will reconsider the grandmother as a placement for this girl?