If my husband has asked me once, he has asked me a thousand times this month, "Honey, do you think you will get pregnant this month?" He asked me this on the way home from the HSG. He asked me two nights later, right after we made love. He has asked me many nights as we are talking in bed before we fall asleep. He asked me last night. "Honey, do you think you will get pregnant this month?" And then he told me he wants to have a girl because it is so sweet for a father to have a daughter. My heart broke a little inside.
When we began trying to have a baby, Flaco was super-excited. He thought we would get pregnant in a heartbeat. Plus, let's be honest, he doesn't need much prodding to "get it on." But, as the months slowly passed and we were not any closer to becoming parents, Flaco quickly lost his zeal. Perhaps it was seeing me so crushed month after month or the feeling of sheer hopelessness. Whatever the reason, Flaco was the first to think "this might not happen for us." Now, all of a sudden, he is the one most hopeful. He has not asked me if I think we will get pregnant in any given month since the beginning. Part of me wants to tell him that I think this could just be our month. But, an even greater part of me, and the part that I use to answer him, doesn't want to get my hopes up. So, I tell him, "It's possible, but my body still needs to decide to ovulate on it's own." I have ovulated on my own, but it is very hit or miss. And, it is still only a 20% chance, just like for any other woman out there (except unwed Welfare Queens - they seem to have a 90% chance of getting pregnant). I am glad he is taking more of an interest, but I am afraid of his little bitty hope getting decimated if this month does not produce a pregnancy. I want to protect his heart in a way I cannot protect my own. And more than anything, I want to give him a baby.
"Cariño, ¿crees que vas a quedar embarazada este mes?"
"No sé mi amor. Es posible, si mi cuerpo decide a ovular."
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