Arms no Longer Empty

The baby is napping. I am going to try to get this post done before he wakes up! Yes, there is a two year old in my home and I am not at work at 3 pm on a Wednesday afternoon. Let me start at the beginning and explain why.....

CHOR called us on Monday and asked if we would still be willing to do respite for the baby. We agreed. We had to meet with the county social worker at the County Services Building Tuesday afternoon at one. We agreed and I made the arrangements with work, to leave around noon and come back sometime after the meeting. Heather, the social worker from CHOR would be meeting us there and she would also be there during the meeting.

Heather called me at work yesterday morning around quarter to twelve to confirm the meeting and she stated that the county wanted to move him that same day and asked if we were ok with that. I said, "yes" and shortly after left work to pick up Flaco and go to the Services Building. Unfortunately, Heather had told me "court house" and, well it's a little confusing, but there is a court house (the old court house) and right behind it is the court house (aka County Services Building or "new" court house) - guess which one we went to? Right. So, even though we were about 10-15 minutes early, we were in the wrong building, so we ended up being about 10 minutes late. The county worker was super-nice (her name is Jessica) and she asked us a bunch of questions. My first question to them was how long they thought that the baby would be in respite and if the plan was eventually to get him back to his current foster family. Jessica explained that the county had actually filed a petition with the court to change his adoption plan and remove the foster family from this plan. The baby would not be going back to them. She further explained that they want him to be in a home that is considering adoption because he is free to adopt right now - his parental rights have already been terminated. They need a family that is structured and able to work with the baby to not give in to his every whim, so he can learn to properly control his temper. (I need to interject here, that despite reading all the paperwork, I still don't really understand what the other foster family did wrong to lose the baby)

This information kind of hit us from left field. Flaco was only semi-willing to do respite (he doesn't want to get attached and then have the child removed). Now, a curve ball. The baby is ours, if we are willing to adopt him. But, the reasons we were unsure of this still remain - we were not sure we would be able to handle his temper tantrums (which we have yet to experience) any better than his previous foster family. And then there is the issue of parental drug and alcohol abuse. And Flaco's issue. We grabbed each other's hands and jumped in.

After Jessica's interrogation (really, it wasn't that bad), Heather asked if we could get to CHOR by 4:30 that afternoon. She had decided that she would have the foster family bring the baby and all 6 of us (Flaco, me, foster parents, the baby, and Heather) would meet in one of the rooms. Foster parents would give us some information about the baby's daily schedule, his likes and dislikes and then they would leave and we would stay with the baby and then, once he felt comfortable with us, we would leave. Well, good intentions pave the way to hell, no? We arrived on time (btw, I never went back to work, we grabbed something to eat, went home for a few minutes and then went to CHOR) and were ushered into the (very hot) waiting room. Heather came down a few minutes later. As we were walking out of the room, the foster family came inside with the baby. Well, foster mom and baby, foster dad took one look at us and balked, refusing to come inside. Mass confusion ensued for a few minutes until Heather could corral us up-stairs into one of the rooms. There, foster mom began to tell us about the baby in English, Spanish, and Spanglish. She had to stop a few times because she was crying. It was heart-wrenching (I have been reading other adoption blogs lately and they all say the same thing, which I can only confirm - adoption ain't for sissy's!!). After about 20 minutes, Heather brought foster dad into the room to say his final good-bye. He couldn't look at us. He was crying and trying so hard not to. He bear hugged the baby and managed to say (in Spanish punctuated by sobs) he loved this little boy and his heart was breaking to lose him and he wasn't sure how he would go on without his boy. He begged us to take good care of the baby then, he handed baby to foster mom, shook our hands and bolted. Foster mom reiterated the plea to take good care of him and she took left the room (foster dad's plea and his desperation really had an affect on Flaco - he keeps talking about how bad he felt taking this man's baby). Heather left with them, to finish carrying the baby's things into the building. Flaco and I were alone with a very sad baby, who didn't want to leave the door his foster parents had just walked out of. We got him interested in playing with some toys and his cheery disposition soon returned.

After Heather reviewed some paperwork with us and she and I packed all the items into the car (he had so much stuff it all almost didn't fit in our car!) while Flaco played with the baby. Then, she taught us car seat 101 and we were headed home. With a baby in our backseat, who promptly fell asleep. My father had been at our house fixing the heater in the baby's room and he and my mom went out to eat nearby, after she got off from work. I think they were hovering a bit, but they were anxious, just like we were. They were at the grocery store when I called them. I told them we needed to get the baby some dinner (he last ate around 2) and they said they would pick up some things for us. So, we got home and I had to unpack the car (Flaco was in charge of watching a very curious baby) and then take an inventory of all of the baby's things. My parents showed up not long after and we fed the baby Cheerios and a little kids microwave dinner bowl (it was so gross looking!). Then they left so we could give him a bath and get him to bed around 8 (he was actually in bed around 8:30). The baby LOVED the bath, splashing all the water in the tub out onto me and the floor. He is not crazy about Canela and she isn't sure about him, but I think there is potential there! He really, really wants to pet the kitty (Brisa - Jackson has taken refuge in the basement and only comes out when the baby is safely in bed asleep), but she has no interest in him. When putting the baby to bed last night, I tried everything to get him to calm down and stay in bed (he is in a toddler bed), but it wasn't until Flaco came in to be with him, that he finally fell asleep. The baby took to Flaco right away and it is sweet to see them together.

This morning, while I was getting ready for work, Flaco had the baby in bed with him, eating Cheerios (and Flaco knows how much I hate it when he eats in bed!!) and watching cartoons. Then I took the baby to another foster mom's place for her to watch him while I went to work. I left work around 10:30 to pick him up and we have been home ever since. We had lunch. Well, the baby had lunch while I washed dishes. He called me mama during lunch. It surprised me because I have not called myself mama to him, I wanted him to get to that on his own. I thought it might take some time, but perhaps not. He asked for papi, although I am not sure if he meant foster dad or Flaco. After lunch, we finished folding his clothes and putting them away and then we went for a short walk with Canela. The baby was more than happy to hop right into his stroller and hop out again when we got to the park. I tied Canela to one of the jungle gyms (she was not impressed) and played with the baby. He went down the slide and in the swing and he just generally liked running around (they have some kind of special squishy flooring there that is nice for the little kids), then we walked the two blocks home. As I am struggling to get a dog and two year old back into the house a woman pulled up asking for directions. I'm sure she's half way to Canada by now, since I am terrible with directions! Back home, the baby was playing for a bit, then turned around and bear hugged me, climbed into my lap and promptly fell asleep. He has been asleep ever since (I took a 20 minute nap with him, until my arms hurt from holding him - then I put him in our bed, since I am washing his sheets - I wanted to wash them last night, but didn't get a chance and they were never washed before).

So, that is it in a nutshell! We went from 0 (kids) to 2 (year old) in a matter of hours!! I am exhausted (didn't sleep well last night because I was worried I wouldn't hear the baby if he started to cry - we need to get a monitor) and exhilarated. I am still nervous about what the future might hold, but I am trying to take it just one day at a time. The baby is a very happy and lovable baby. He knows some words (like his favorite, NO!) but I wish he was able to communicate more. He mostly speaks in Spanish, but he understands both English and Spanish. His early intervention teacher is coming over tomorrow morning around 9 am - she comes every week to meet with him. I am hoping her prognosis will be encouraging for us and I plan to pick her brain on what I can do to further his development (I feel like I need to have a degree in early childhood development or something!). I read over the paperwork that CHOR gave us regarding the baby. As with all the kids in foster care, it is sad. I do worry that his biological mother was given (somewhat contradictory) serious mental health diagnoses and there seems to be a long family history of alcoholism. I am hoping that our encouragement and determination to work with the baby will make the difference. For now, I am just content wiping up the driblets all over the floors from the sippy cup and making sure the baby feels safe here. I will be home with him all day tomorrow and Friday morning I will need to go to work again, but will be with him the afternoon. Now, before he wakes up from his nap, I am going to get some shut-eye!