Reflections

    I am doing surprisingly well right now. I was very sad on Friday from the emotional roller coaster and the deflating let-down, but I think I've recuperated better than the months before when Aunt Flo would arrive. I still think of the girls and pray they are settling in wherever they are, but I have made my peace that that placement wasn't for us. And I am glad for the things we learned during that crazy night. One, me and Flaco live on different planets. When we thought we were going to be getting two daughters I worried about what we would feed them, how much clothing they would have, where they would sleep and when we would be able to buy car seats. Flaco's first question was, "Are they baptized or do we have to do that?" (To which I answered, "I don't know but we can't do that until they are officially ours.") His next question was, "What will they call me?" (I said, I don't care just so long as we can call them "ours"). Me - practical, important things. Flaco - random, less-important things. But, I guess between the two of us, we would make it work! I also learned that my mom is still rather lukewarm to the whole foster-to-adopt thing. She was nervous about how the girls would be (I think she still holds the belief that foster care must mean there is something "wrong" with the child) and leary about the process. And she reiterated her belief that I would "get pregnant for sure" once these girls were in our home. (Random side note, my pastor's wife is all one person in the world still holding onto the belief that we will miraculously conceive - just today she prayed for our fertility, right after I told her the story of our failed placement - I know she means well, but still!) Sigh. But, she did go out and buy bibs and crib sheets and was thinking of other things we will need. I'm sure all my mother's doubts will be erased the second she meets our special little one, but sometimes it's hard to handle her disappointment and my own when it comes to us getting the short end of the stick in the reproductive category. I also learned how important this blog is to me, because "writing" all about this experience really helped me to be (a little) more rational and to get "it" out in a more healthy way. We are certainly more prepared for our next call - the crib is all set up (someday I will try to post pictures) at least. And I was reminded about how many wonderful people there are in my life who are rooting for us and praying for us and in a small way, traveling down this road with us. The support of friends like Amy and Sara mean so much to me, I cannot say in words how much. I don't know where I would be, if I didn't have them in my life. As well as my friend Cammee, who feeds me delicious food and even better wine and other homemade cocktails to help me unwind. I am eternally grateful to them all and for taking this rocky road with us! I don't know, I just have this feeling that our next call will be pretty soon - maybe I am just that anxious for it, but I truly think we will be getting a placement sooner rather than later, which is a-ok with me!