Clarification

This morning the county worker drove over an hour to get to my house just to have me sign a form needed for their files. I'm very glad that she did because I found it to be a very enlightening meeting. She gave me more details about what is going on with this case and what outcomes might occur. From the sound of things, it seems like the judge has a lot to decide on April 15th, basically if the kids will be going home or what other options might be explored - it seems like a lot for one person to decide! I'm glad I'm not the one making these life-altering decisions, that's for sure! But, in addition to getting information, I also got confirmation from the county worker - my CHOR case worker is not relaying information to me regarding the case. Because I'm paranoid, my first impulse is to believe it is due to the first placement saga. I doubt that is the case. I think it is more or less that the case worker just doesn't take the time to let me know the things the county worker tells her. The county worker was astounded that I did not know until after the fact that the kids were not going to court. My case worker knew well in advance and she just assumed this information was disseminated to me. Um, no. The county worker promised to keep me in the loop and copy me on the emails that would be relevant to me. It's nice to know that I'm not imaging this as being a case of poor communication. The county worker also wants me to be a foster parent for her agency. So, I told her about "the issue" from the first placement. When I told her that the county would not let me keep the baby because Flaco decided to leave, she said that that would never happen with her county. It was nice to be made to feel like I'm not public enemy number one, rather I made a mistake, I'm human - and their decision may not have been a sound one. It's nice to be wanted.

I know I was flippant in the previous post about this latest development. I was so shocked when I found out, I honestly needed to sit down. I mean, doesn't it just make sense that when you have two kids in foster care you go ahead and have a third? I guess sometimes I still react as an infertile, raging at the injustice of it all. But, it is not a joking matter. We are talking about the future of two little children who have already been through enough in their short lives; this decision could be a game-changer for them. And despite the elation I know I would feel should I be given the option to adopt them, knowing I am taking a mother's children (albeit an irresponsible mother) is harder having met the mother. Regardless, I am anxiously awaiting April 15th to finally see what the next step will be in this journey.