I met with the county work about the two boys and my family worker from CHOR was there too. I guess it went well, we basically just chatted and tried to keep the kids distracted. After the county worker had left my family worker reiterated how great these boys are and asked if this is really something I wanted to do, how I was feeling about it - and I could only answer honestly, telling her I don't know. I don't know what to think or how I feel about it because my feelings keep going up and down and up and down all the time. But, it sounds like neither case is in a hurry. The county worker had no idea how long it would take them to move the boys or even make a decision about their potential permanent placement. My family worker said she didn't think the other county is in a hurry to send the two kids I have now back home (but she mentioned that this is surely the course of action). Why am I the only one in a hurry? I guess I should be getting good at waiting, I've been doing it for over four years after all. I guess now I just have to see what happens Monday and then see what the county decides.......
Will I some day look back over these four years and think, "it was all totally worth it in the end?" I'm beginning to feel like I have wanted this for so long and I have built this crazy story in my head about how fantastic it will be the day I go to court to officially adopt MY baby - that there is no way it can ever be as good as I have imagined it to be. I worry that I will have come so good at waiting and longing that I won't know how to enjoy my child when he/she comes because I won't feel like it is real. What if what I have been waiting for isn't as great as I have imagined it will be?
It's worth it. <3
ReplyDelete