Brother in the System

The county must think I am either a saint or insane. We found out on Thursday that Primero’s older brother was taken into custody by Children and Youth Services. They placed him in a juvenile detention center in order to figure out what to do with him. Apparently, the county asked CHOR if he could come stay with me. Um, what?! It’s so funny because after we found out through his brother’s girlfriend I had a dream that CHOR begged me to take the older brother. It was the next day that Primero’s case worker emailed me stating the county had asked if I could take him as a placement. Primero did not warm to the idea and he was hoping the girlfriend’s family’s scheme to take him in would work because he didn’t want his brother “in the system.” We don’t know what will happen, if the county will allow his brother to live with his girlfriend’s family or if he will be placed with another CHOR family. When I expressed exasperation at the county even considering asking me, Primero’s case worker put it in perspective, “at least they would consider you for another case,” meaning, “you mustn’t be on their shit list if they would send you another kid….” Still, I know Primero’s brother and I know he has more issues to deal with than Primero. The older brother (and this is not his oldest brother, just the one closest to his age) has travelled more of the path their mother has taken and has been the one with her the longest, so his behavioral problems are more engrained and he is more streetwise than my sweet Primero. Still he has been on my mind because the place where he is now is for very disturbed and troubled kids, which he is not and I’ve been praying they get him out sooner rather than later. I’m also praying this kid gets some consistency in his life because from the little I know, he has bounced around so much it would make your head spin. In the short six months Primero has lived with me his brother has been in at least 7 different homes, that we were aware of (there was a short time he was on the streets after their mom was put in jail the last time and so he was probably in numerous homes until he went to stay with their uncle). I wonder what the county will do with this brother, if they are hoping to place him in a permanent situation until he turns 18 or if they are looking for a temporary placement until their mom is out of jail? In my mind, I am thinking of all those “aging out” stories you hear about for older kids in foster care. It’s so sad to think that the systems forces their family ties to be cut (perhaps rightfully so) yet can’t offer them a new family unit to replace what they lost. I know when I was a teenager, I needed my parents, even though I was rather independent. Even when I was in college, I don’t know what I would have done if my parents hadn’t let me come home or gave me emotional and substance support. I’m so glad I can offer that stability to Primero, but I feel so sad for the thousands of other children who do not have that home to return to when the going gets tough……