Push No More

As a step in the right direction, last Tuesday night the baby slept from 11 pm straight through to 6 am when my alarm woke me up. This is a vast improvement from when he was just a few weeks old and waking me up nearly every hour. Maybe he sensed I really needed some sleep last night? I was so emotionally drained after last Tuesday’s events. Unfortunately, I had to make the heartbreaking decision to put my sweet 4 year old Jackson to sleep after getting a urethral obstruction for the third time. The vet recommended a surgery to shorten the urethra (making him a “girl” cat) but I already have a hefty bill to pay from when he was blocked a month ago and I’m stressed out about how I will pay that, so the only humane thing to do was let him go. I was so distraught about having to make that determination but I didn’t want him to suffer anymore. Now I will be paying a bill for a dead pet, which I find so depressing, but I have no other choice. So, it was a total blessing that the baby let me sleep all night. Unfortunately, he reverted back to his usual schedule of a 2 am and 4 am feeding. But, if he did it one night that means it is possible he will start doing it more often! And, when he sees his doctor in the coming week, I will ask about adding some rice cereal to his nighttime bottle because I heard (from other moms) that this helps to keep him full and sleeping through the night.

 

In other news, Primero met with his case worker last Thursday and she told him two bits of news that were a little upsetting. First, his brother will remain in the detention center to receive drug and alcohol counseling. When he leaves he will be placed with another CHOR family and it will be up to me and the other family to get the boys together whenever we can. At least that will be good. The other bad news was that the adoption case worker went to visit his mother in jail and she refused to relinquish her rights, stating she was in a vulnerable state at the moment. I kind of figured this would be the case and as I explained it to Primero, there is a big difference between giving up parental rights and having them taken from you. He seemed upset and didn’t want to talk about it. I told him it didn’t change anything, it just delayed things a bit. I feel bad for his mom and as much as I was hoping she would be able to sign the paperwork and simply give up her parental rights, I can understand why she refused. I told Primero it would feel like she was giving up on him, if she willingly signed away her rights. Still, it is frustrating knowing we will have to go through the rigmarole of the court taking away her rights. My understanding is that there is a hearing to determine her rights should be severed, then there is a 30 day period in which she can appeal and if she doesn’t appeal then there is a second hearing to officially terminate her rights. If she appeals the process takes longer as she is given a hearing for the appeal. It stinks for Primero because it means he remains in limbo as a foster kid rather than being able to enjoy the benefits of being officially (legally) part of a family. Of course, this doesn’t change how we interact, but it does mean there are still certain things we cannot do (like get him a passport or talk to his insurance company, an issue I had earlier this week).

 

So, while helping Primero deal with the disappointments and worries in his life, dealing with my own heartache over my poor kitten (he was only 4 years old!) and financial worries, there have also been issues brewing with the little ones’ mother. There was a meeting last Thursday to see if some kinks could be worked out during and immediately following visits and the group supervising the visits was not terribly receptive to the issues presented. It’s frustrating that, as a foster parent, we are always expected to acquiesce and appease the needs and wants of the foster care agency and the parents, but our needs are rarely addressed with positive solutions. Just like my request to change the medical provider for the little girl. One of the suggestions from the meeting was to ask me to drop off a “special” diaper bag the mornings before visits to be sure the supplies were not misused or wasted (like using diapers for crafts???). Um, no. I flat out said no. And I hardly ever say no without trying to compromise first. But, there is absolutely no way I can take a diaper bag to the facility in addition to taking three children to three different locations before going to work. Just, no. I said that a representative from the agency was welcome to stop by my work to pick up a diaper bag, but in no way, shape, or form would I be dropping one off. That’s utter insanity. The case worker was sympathetic and said CHOR would never insist I do this, but it just goes to show how ridiculous the system is and how damn hard it is to be a foster parent. You give and you give and you compromise and do things their way and you make concessions and you try so hard to appease everyone, yet when you ask for the same consideration, it’s like you’ve asked them to build a palace on the moon. It is not an even give and take. I feel like so many times “they” (CHOR, the county, the biological parents) just push and push until you put your foot down and say, “No more!” Well, this idiotic notion of taking a diaper bag to the facility the morning before the visits is utter nonsense and the point at which I say, “you can push me no more.”