I now have a new problem. The Vice Principal at my daughter’s
school thinks she is too pretty to get into trouble. I had heard our former TSS
worker mention he had said something like this to her previously, citing her
being “too cute” as a reason he couldn’t lay down the law with her during a
previous issue earlier in the school year. When I met with the Vice Principal
the day after Chica Marie was suspended from school I wanted him to be stern
with her, to take what happened seriously so she would too. Instead, he was
mild, meek even and he said to my child, “You are too smart and too pretty to
be getting into trouble.” I’m sorry, what? Yes, Chica Marie is adorable with
cherub cheeks, long black lashes, and a heart-melting smile, BUT her appearance
has no bearing on her behaviors whatsoever. And, even worse, coming from an
adult male this is teaching my young, impressionable daughter that her looks
mean something and since she is good-looking, she might be able to get away
with something a lesser attractive female could not. It ties her looks into
things that have no correlation and twists her outward appearance into
something more worthy than her inner beauty. No, just no. Her looks should
never have been brought into the equation. Would the Vice Principal tell a male
student he was too cute to get in trouble? If he sat on a jury would he judge
the defendant based on their looks or the evidence of their actions. Chica
Marie punched one classmate and scratched another – this is not cute behavior,
it was not pretty. After Chica Marie was sent off to class and the VP asked to
speak to me and her mobile therapist alone, he confessed to struggling with meting
out discipline to the younger students in the school. He expressed suspensions
were his least favorite part of his job. I get that, I do, but what he said
smacks of chauvinism and sexism and I don’t want my daughter putting her worth
in her looks. In my house, she isn’t too cute to get into trouble and neither
is her equally adorable brother. I now have to work to help her unlearn what he
taught her because her looks are only a fraction of who she is and I don’t want
her to believe she is too pretty to get into trouble.
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Did you call him on his comment at the time? If not, perhaps you could send him a letter - he needs to know his statement is unacceptable. -Polly
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't only be writing him a stern letter, outlining all the ways that was inappropriate, I'd be either cc'ing his boss or bringing it to their attention personally, highlighting that he struggles to do his job with younger kids. It's clearly a pattern of behavior. It's not just telling her that her looks can get out of trouble, it's teaching her that she can / should play to men's perceived wants and needs to get out of trouble.
ReplyDeleteI'm don't mean to suggest you're not doing enough, it just made me so mad on your and Chica's behalf... I'm sure how you see fit to handle it will work.
That is a really hard situation because you're counting on the vice principal to do his job. To discipline when he needs to discipline.
ReplyDeleteWow that definitely smacks of chauvinism and sexism - I would write a letter, yes. As Sarah says above, I'd also bring it to the attention of other individuals in authority. Reminds me of teachers in my school in the 1980s who would outright call pupils ugly or pretty in front of the class, and penalize them accordingly.
ReplyDeleteWay to encourage anti-feminism and warp kids' ideas of themselves.