Looming Adoption

As a parent you want to trust your child, you want to take them at their word and act on what they say, if necessary. I want that too. But, which Chica Marie it’s more complicated than that. And I feel like a terrible mother to say that, to say I don’t trust what she tells me the majority of the time. I don’t always take what she says seriously. Because too often she has not spoken the truth, too often she has said something just to get the spotlight on her. I don’t want to miss something important, I don’t want to not hear her when she really needs me to step in and help her. It’s sad to always be so suspicious, to never fully believe.

 

At a therapy session last night, when asked about the impending adoption,  Chica Marie responded she would throw herself from the car on the way to the adoption then promptly shut-down and refused to talk about it. She was very agitated the entire session, even leaving the room a few times. The filial therapist took her statement seriously and admonished me to do the same. We developed a safety plan, which included finding an individual (trauma-informed) therapist for Chica Marie. The therapist made a comment along the lines of wanting to get Chica Marie on board for the adoption. But, the last time I spoke to Chica Marie about it, she was on board. And she had never made threats of self-harm before, at least not in my presence.

 

I don’t even know how to make heads nor tails of this. I understand how the looming adoption can be a cause of fear, uncertainty, even anger for Chica Marie. Primero, who was 16 when he was adopted, acted out as his adoption was closing in, and he definitely had a say in the outcome. The therapist suggested I not talk to Chica Marie about adoption without a mental health professional present, lest our conversation trigger her. If she brings it up we can discuss it but Chica Marie is not one to talk about her feelings. I feel nothing but precarious eggshells all around me, fearing setting off an avalanche I’m unable to stop. And while I support the idea of Chica Marie getting a therapist, I don’t know how quickly that would happen or if her insurance would cover it given the Family Based therapy and psychiatrist are paid through her insurance. It’s something I’m going to have to figure out. In the meantime, I’ve notified all the therapy staff who work with Chica Marie, so they can be prepared and I’ve notified both the CHOR and county case workers.

 

Will this be resolved before the adoption? Could this hold up the adoption? Would the adoption itself be a resolution? I have many more questions than answers.