Return to Civility

For over a week now there has been an issue with data coverage at work. I cannot make or receiving phone calls or text messages from my desk. I have to go outside to the smoking picnic table, or leave work. This afternoon, I chose to eat outside for lunch. As I was turning on my Hulu shows I noticed a text message from Primero’s aunt. I opened it and read the message. She wanted to talk to me about Primero and what’s been going on with him. As the conversation progressed, she mentioned his mom was also there and she too wanted to converse with me. They didn’t want to just text, claiming it was too much to type, they wanted to talk on the phone. I declined. Here’s the thing. Number one, Primero is an adult and if there is something he needs to tell me he can do that himself. Number two, I know he has been talking to them and badmouthing me. I’ve heard, through Primero, their responses. Even if he did exaggerate them, I don’t want to hear their opinions again. We are not friends. I don’t owe them anything. How I choose to manage my household is up to me. I don’t need their interference. I don’t honestly believe they have anyone’s best interest in heart besides their own. We do not have a relationship and I am not seeking their advice. I have no plans to call them and I sincerely hope they do not call me.

 

Primero called me at work yesterday asking to go to family counseling. (His aunt took credit for that. Wonderful.) I agreed and I have reached out to a therapist to try to set up an appointment. It will take time. Primero has asked to have a day for us to spend together, like in the good old days. I agreed and have set it up for next Tuesday, the day before his birthday. Last night he was chatty with me, like nothing happened, like the cruel words and irrationality never even happened. But, I don’t trust it. I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I have been on this roller coaster ride with him too long to trust this return to civility will last. It’s sad, but I think he’s only doing it because he thinks if he’s nice to me I will buy him a new Apple watch that he wants for his birthday. What he doesn’t realize with all his acting out is that I have reached the end of my rope. I can no longer turn the other cheek, I can no longer allow him to walk all over me and treat me like crap then act nice to get back in my good graces and keep the things he wants. I can’t anymore. And I won’t. He needs to realize that his actions and his words have lasting effects. I don’t trust him like I used to. I don’t trust that he’s being nice because he thinks it’s the right thing to do, rather I believe it's because he wants something. I am cautious and mistrusting and I have to stay that way to keep myself emotionally safe. This is our new normal.