*** Note, there is a spoiler to the recent episode of This is Us ***
Recently I read on another infertility blog about a surprise
pregnancy. The implications of the unintended pregnancy went beyond the
surprise and the complications of getting pregnant when you think you can’;,
the expectant mother is also dealing with the emotional fall-out of having a
biological child after adjusting to not having that connection to her other
children. Her children were conceived using donor eggs, so while she gave birth
to the babies, she is not connected to them biologically. I liken it to my
situation with my adopted children. I can relate to the difficulties presented
when the new child will have something the others will not; a biological
connection to the mother who is raising them.
There was a time when Primero worried about me finding a
partner and having a miraculous pregnancy. He asked, “What would happen to us?”
thinking I would cancel their adoptions or something equally as cruel if I were
to get pregnant. I answered flippantly, telling him he would have to baby-sit,
but I brought it back up to him later and told him nothing would happen. If I
were to have a biological child, it would not change his station in the family.
Adoption is forever.
On the most recent episode of This is Us, Kate tells Kevin
she is the only Pearson likely to pass on “a piece” of their dad. When Kevin
relays this conversation to Randall, he is understandably and visibly shaken.
It’s almost as if his sister did not see him as part of the family because his
DNA would not match their father’s. Viewers of the show can identify traits of
his adopted father in Randall; his sense of family and commitment to those he
loves is one that comes to mind. Still, even being raised as a brother since
infancy, biology reigned king in Kate’s mind.
While a surprise pregnancy is as likely as winning the
lottery, I also believe it would be complicated for my parents, specifically my
mom. I know my mom looked forward to a pregnancy and being with her daughter
while she is expecting. I have no doubt my mom would dote on me and she would
probably excitedly buy more clothing than the baby could ever wear. I would
need to work hard to temper her excitement because it would bother me that she
didn’t share the same excitement the first time I became a mother, when I
adopted Primero. It is often this thought alone that makes feel ok with never
having a biological child because then I would never have to face the
differences biology would bring up. It is certainly complicated…..
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