Things are not good right now. Last night I googled “can I legally
kick out my 18 year old son in my state?” The animosity has reached an all-time
high and the emotional toll is not good for any of us, least of all the little
ones. I need to try to get Love Bug evaluated because he has been having some
awful days in daycare, including punching and kicking his teacher. The reports
are mostly daily now. We couldn’t go to the movies as planned on Saturday
because of his behaviors. I hated having to disappoint Chica Maire because she actually
didn’t have a bad week. But, things with Primero are simply rotten. Our
relationship, if you can call it that at this point, feels unsalvageable. He is
responding unreasonably to the boundaries I am creating. He is lashing out and
I am honestly fearful of how vengeful he might react. Mostly, he insists the
stipend I receive since adopting him, should be his money. As in, he should
choose how to spend it and I should not control the money at all. He has
insinuated I am not providing for him like I should. What he refuses to see is
the $700+ that he has spent on ITunes in the last 6 months or how that might
make it really hard to keep balancing the money. I have cut him off. I had to
close my bank card to do it, which is a giant inconvenience, but it was the
only way to get him to stop. I tried reasoning with him, we agreed on an amount
he could spend per month, but he did not follow our agreement. I also need to
remove him from other accounts because he has too much power in things he
should not have and it’s my fault I let him go with it. Life is really hard
right now. I took the day off on Friday to try to regain my footing. When I
attempted to make changes to the Netflix account, it enraged Primero, who got a
message I was making changes. He didn’t come home all weekend, except briefly
to fight with me Saturday evening because I text him about not keeping his
promise to wash the dishes. He has not spoken to me since Saturday. He told me
he plans to have his mother and aunt come over to tell me how I should be
letting him spend the stipend money because it is his money. I told him they
were not welcome in my home. I don’t know where things go from here. I don’t
want to poke the bear, but I honestly want to tell Primero he needs to find a
new place to stay. I don’t deserve to be treated the way he is treating me. He
thinks this is all on me, all my fault and I’m the one being unreasonable. The
kids asked me about him over the weekend and I tried my best to not demonize
him to them. They still love him. Chica Marie was hurt that he hasn’t been
around and she wanted to know why he didn’t like us anymore. How do you answer
a question like that? I simply said he was making different choices but that
didn’t mean he doesn’t care. I’m not sure if the kids believed me or not. This
whole thing is breaking my heart, shattering it into pieces. I need to pull
myself together for the sake of the little ones who need me.
Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.
Damn, this is hard. I remember being 18 years old and lashing out as I was angry with the world and fighting for control. From my point of view, I think this is why Primero is lashing out at you as you are safe to lash out at. Would bringing in the social worker be useful for this situation (I honestly don't know, which is why I'm asking)? The money you are receiving is meant for his care, but it's not his to use as he pleases, so I'm wondering if having someone other than you spell that out to him is worthwhile.
ReplyDeleteRegarding how he's been treating you, finding other living arrangements for Primero may need to be an option. He shouldn't be treating you this way, especially in front of the kids. But I would give him the option to either live with you, understanding there are rules and agreements, or finding another living situation. Emphasize that you love him and the door is always open, but he cannot abuse you.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with all of this.