Wanted

After months of waiting, we finally got the new birth certificates for Love Bug and Chica Marie. So, slowly their names are being changed with various entities. A few weeks ago, I finally took Chica Marie’s new birth certificate to her school for her official name change. Love Bug was with me as we visited the office. The secretary who took the information was pretty straight forward and to the point. She offered a simple congratulations and proceeded to update the necessary information. The other secretary took more of an interest in things. “So, her other mom should be removed from the file, right?” I nodded an affirmation and tried to shush a grumpy Love Bug who wanted to watch The Polar Express movie on my phone (spoiler, it is not on Hulu or Netflix right now). The second secretary continued her questioning, “Is their mom still in the area?” Again I nodded. “So what happened? She didn’t want them?” Oh. My. God. Did you really just say that? In front of me? In front of Love Bug? In front of a million and one other students and parents in the office right now? I looked at her sternly and through gritted teeth I said, “Their mother loves them very much. She is just dealing with a lot of her own demons.” Like what the hell lady? Does she not know this is the most painful question an adopted person will ask themselves? I’m glad Love Bug was obsessing over the non-existent Polar Express movie and not intently listening to our conversation. I was so angry, I could not get us out of the room fast enough. But, since I needed the birth certificate to be returned to me, I was stuck. And the secretary, not picking up on my non-verbal cues, continued. “I’ve never wanted to ask Chica Marie about it, I mean does she know her mom? Does she know she was adopted?” Feeling downright hostile, I glared at her, “Yes, Chica Marie knows about her adoption. It is not some big secret. She talks about it when she wants to. I’m sure most of the time she wants to be treated with respect, just like any other student in the school.” The birth certificate was returned to me and I quickly escaped with Love Bug, relieved for the incident to be over. As I strapped Love Bug into his car seat I whispered to him, “Your mom loves you. She misses you. Remember how happy she was to see you over the summer? Never forget that Love Bug.” He stared at me with his big brown eyes and said, “I love you Mommy. And I love Mommy V too.” How does a 4 year old understand what an adult woman cannot?

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