Self-Care

Self-care. In foster care training and subsequent group sessions, the agency would talk about self-care and admonish foster parents to no get burned out by initiating self-care routines. But, no one really explains how we are supposed to find the time, energy and resources to actually take care of ourselves. Sure, self-care looks different to everyone, but the mechanics on how to make it happen are similar. Before the foster care rules changed, I used to be able to send the little ones to respite and get a break. When the rules changed and especially now that the children are all adopted, I don’t have that option. I’m on my own and left to find a way to get away from my children. When things were ok with Primero, he would be my back-up and it worked well because he knows the kids, he knows the house rules, and the little ones (especially Chica Maire) would not be able to manipulate him. But, Primero has made it clear he no longer wishes to stay home and watch the kids, so I need to find an alternative. It isn’t as easy as it sounds. I need someone (or maybe a handful of someones) reliable and trustworthy, who has experience with children who have special needs, someone who is not easily swayed by an adorable smile and someone willing to tolerate our cavalcade of animals to boot. The time and energy it would take me to find and vet someone is daunting, so I have been avoiding it. Not to say I don’t try to take breaks and treat myself. A few weeks ago I took off of work for a whole day on Friday. I got a pedicure and bought some new (much needed) pants. In the evenings I have some me time when the little ones go to sleep. It used to be my time with Primero, but now it’s my own time. Often times I catch up on a show I like or play solitaire on my computer. I don’t often have my mental acuity for anything else after a long day. I think I should start reading more, it’s the one thing I seemed to have given up since I’ve become a mother and I miss getting lost in a good book.

 

I wish I had more time to do things, like yoga or meditation or even to go on a nice long walk by myself. It’s not that I don’t like spending time with my children, it’s just hard to feel peaceful when answering 101 questions about the color of the leaves or why there are ladybugs but not guybugs. I wish I could do simple things, like grocery shop, by myself because the task would be infinitely more simple without trying to corral small beings bent on utter destruction. I find small spaces, little snippets of time, to do things for myself. A bubble bath and a glass of wine. Headphones to hear a good song, or sometimes I put it on and dance with the kids. A special treat, like dark chocolate or a meal I like. I wish I had time and funds for a spa weekend or to attend a woman’s retreat, but those things are not a reality. Getting away is not a possibility in the now. So, I make do with what I have and try to keep snatching enough time to keep my cup from going totally dry. It won’t always be this way.