Tell Me Sweet Little Lies

On Tuesday, Primero and I attended our first family therapy session. When I picked Primero up from school I was asked to sign absent slips. According to the school, Primero did not go to school on Monday. He claimed he did, but I suspect he did not. I did not work on Monday and I offered to take him to school. He declined, stating he would walk instead. At the end of the day, when he was supposed to be coming home, it sounded like the back basement door slammed before he dragged the trash cans from the front of the house to the back. I signed the slip and asked the school to keep me in the loop when Primero was not accounted for in school. He has done this before, last year. But, the school has also missed counting him in attendance before. It certainly does not help our situation. I believe, based on his actions in the last year, Primero would skip school and then adamantly lie to me about it. He’s lied to me before. Eighteen months ago, I would have adamantly defended him, believing he would not lie to me. Now, I wonder how many times he has lied to me and I believed him and supported him and it makes me feel sick to the stomach. How often has he pulled the wool over my eyes and I was a willing participant?

 

The therapy session was not easy. The therapist is trying to get to know us, but I worry she was being too hard on Primero and he will see it as “them” taking my side. I expressed how I just wanted to be heard and the therapist guessed how disrespected I feel at home. I don’t know how much penetrated into Primero’s mind. I don’t know how much he will allow to penetrate. She offered to see us separately, but for the time being we will be going to sessions together. I like the therapist and I appreciate that she seems to be a straight-shooter and unafraid to be honest and up-front. I think both of us need that at this point. I don’t know if any of it will help. The rawness is still so fresh and the many hurts will take a lot to heal, but I need to remain optimistic and believe we can both change for the better.