Turn The Other Cheek

I’m not overly religious. I wish I were a little more, but I’m not. Still, I consider myself a Christian and I try to follow the basic tenents of Christianity; treating others as you would like to be treated, turn the other cheek, love your neighbor, judge not, don’t cast the first stone, forgive. It isn’t always easy. In fact, it is often very difficult. I don’t think of myself as a martyr, so I hope this doesn’t come off that way. I’m not a savior, something a lot of adoptive parents and foster parents are criticized as being, especially in terms of transracial families. I adopted because I wanted to be a mother. I adopted from foster care because it was a shorter wait time (in a way – shorter wait to have a child in my home but perhaps longer to finalize). I foster because I want to help, not rescue, just help when and where I can. My mother tells me I have a bleeding heart and I’m too kind hearted. I think it’s better than being cold and uncaring. Nevertheless, my kindness has been used against me more than once.

 

Not for the first time I have felt hurt and betrayed by Primero and members of his family. Currently, it is Esperanza. We have our history (and here) (and here) (also here), but this constant coming and going needs to end. This latest issue with Esperanza’s ex-boyfriend breaking the windshield on the van has really shown me how little she thinks of me and our family.

 

Esperanza was quick to point out it wasn’t her fault that the windshield was smashed with a brick. She was quick to deny breaking the windshield of her ex’s car, stating she was nowhere near his place that night. The rest of the story, the part she didn’t readily tell, was that she had gone to the club where her ex works as a bouncer with another man. The ex-boyfriend threw her and the guy out of the club and she went to her cousin’s house without the guy. How or why her ex thought she was the one who broke his windshield is a mystery. Why he thought throwing a brick through my windshield was just retribution, I do not understand. Not once did Esperanza apologize. Not once did she offer any form of assistance in dealing with the issue. When she text me the next day that he was threatening her and telling her she should leave town, I suggested she stay with her mom until things cool down. Somehow, that meant I was throwing her out. So, she came home that Sunday afternoon, packed her stuff and left out of the back basement door so she wouldn’t have to see me or the kids or have the decency to say good-bye. She also unfriended me on Facebook. I am the victim of vandalism by her ex-boyfriend, but I get treated like dirt?

 

Supposedly, she has gone back to her other ex-boyfriend in upstate New York. Whatever. The thing is though, I have (stupidly) been paying for her to have a cell phone. Ever since she first stayed with us and I bought her a phone for Christmas, which I intended to be a brief gift (it came with an 18 month plan), yet this morphed into an on-going free phone for her. Except, if I can’t be treated with common decency, why on earth should I continue paying for her phone? I’m stuck with monthly payments and still have 10 more months to go, but then I think the gravy train needs to end. I’m not the kind of person who expects constant quid pro quo, but again, if I don’t even deserve a good-bye, then I don’t need to be paying for your phone. Never once did she offer to help pay her phone bill, even when she was working. So, yeah, I think I’ve been walked all over enough. I’ve heard, we teach people how to treat us by what we let them get away with doing to us. Well, it’s time for me to be treated with some respect.