Last Friday things went from bad to worse. Things with Esperanza
really went haywire to the point she was threatening me. Sadly, Primero, while
claiming to not take sides, acted out cruelly as well, damaging our relationship.
The dysfunction of their childhood and their family system came out in full
force and I took the brunt of their distain. Esperanza lashed out and sadly,
Primero reacted poorly as well. The only kernel of positivity was that it
united me and their Aunt W and Uncle G. I reached out to the aunt and uncle
because I worried Primero was selling them a load of bull about me and what was
happening in our home. I was correct. He told them I told him I didn’t want him
anymore and he should go live with his uncle. What I really said, in hopes of
sparking a conversation with him since all he was saying was “I’m not gonna
answer that question” was “Do you think you would be happier living with your
uncle?” This was during the course of a one-sided conversation related to the threat
made by Esperanza. Primero was like I had never seen him before. He wasn’t just
defiant and rude, he was cold and cruel too. While I tried to talk to him, the
only thing he conceded was that I was being vengeful because I (unknowingly)
outted Esperanza and her friend in a lie. It is so hurtful to think that to Primero
I am still not family. And it’s even more painful to realize that he would drop
me like old news, no matter how wrong his biological family member might be. It
makes me fear that he won’t ever be able to fully accept me as his family, not
ever. But, I do have the support of his aunt and uncle. I had a rather lengthy
conversation with his aunt on Friday and she let me know that both her and her
husband (who is Primero’s mother’s older brother) support me 100%. They
recognize how different Primero is, how much he has changed for the better, and
they credit me with that improvement ( really, it was Primero who did all the
work, I just supplied the stability and unconditional love to allow him this growth).
We talked about Esperanza and how sad it is to see her making poor choices and
seemingly following in the footsteps of her mother. Both his aunt and his uncle
spoke with Primero about some of these things and I am grateful for their help.
I am also grateful for their support and acknowledgement of my relationship
with their nephew. I am beginning to feel more like a member of their family
than I ever have before. This is how open adoption is intended to work, I
think. To collaborate and come together in the best interest of the children. It’s
taken a crisis for us to get on this same page but I think we are all glad we
are here now. I do worry that Primero is trying to ostracize me by spending a
lot more time with his uncle than ever before, but I hope eventually he will
emotionally return. I have to remind myself about 1,000 times a day these kids
are kids who have experienced life-altering trauma and therefore I must adjust
my expectations to a different level, not one I’m accustomed to. I had a nice
long talk with Mr J’s girlfriend over the weekend and I was glad she was
willing to hear my side of the story. A part of me worried that the way things
happened with Esperanza might have alienated me from the rest of the family. I’m
glad I was wrong about that. In speaking with Mr J’s girlfriend I learned a few
things about her and offered some solutions to the problems she is having. I
hope she will take me up on the offer because it will improve things for her.
Friday morning, as I was reeling from the threats and accusations
from Esperanza, I got a text from my dad, “Hey your mom just broke her leg.” I
thought perhaps it was a typo or something. I had text my mom the night before
asking her to go with me to Primero’s performance on Saturday so I thought
maybe he was responding for her in some way. I called him. He answered but couldn’t
talk because the ambulance was there to take my mom to the hospital. Good Lord!
He promised to call me later to let me know what was going on. I had visions of
a catastrophic compound femur fracture or some other gruesome break. I had no
idea how she could have fallen, there was no ice around to fall on. When I finally
spoke to him, my fears were slightly alleviated. She did not break her femur
and there was no compound fracture, but that is where the good news ended. She
fell part way down the steps in their house and managed to pull her ankle joint
apart and break the bone on both sides of it. She had to slide the rest of the
way down the stairs and crawl to the kitchen, pull herself up on a chair to
reach the land line to call my dad. Being the nice guy that he is, he takes her
purse to the car and starts it for her during the chilly winter months so she
gets into a nice warm car. She keeps her cell phone in her purse, so it’s lucky
they still have a land line she could use to reach someone. She had surgery
Friday afternoon to repair the damage by putting in a plate and screws. Today
they are deciding if she can go home or if she should go to rehab. Everyone
except my mom is hoping she goes to rehab to help her learn how to get around
without putting any weight on her left foot for the next 6 weeks. She is still
in a great deal of pain but the pain meds make her feel sick. I went to see her
on Saturday and she was gray from having O.T. I took her chapstick, which she
said she needed. With the little ones I couldn’t visit for long, but it was
still good to see her. I have to work on getting some pre-made meals in her
freezer for her when she does come home. I also want to clean so she doesn’t
have to. With the stress going on in my life it will make it hard but there isn’t
anyone else. My sister lives too far away and my brother is an alien jerk who
won’t do anything to help anyone. So, it falls to me. I just hope I’m able to
keep up with all of this……
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