Toothless

No one told me I had lost my right front tooth. I didn’t even realize it was gone until I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and stared in horror at the gaping hole between my remaining front tooth and the cusped to the right. I ran my tongue over my teeth and confirmed the tooth was indeed missing. My stomach started to burn as the realization hit home. I needed to find that tooth! Why didn’t the dentist say anything about this possibility? I was just there and given a clean bill of dental health! I searched around me and found my tooth then illogically popped it into my mouth for safe keeping until I could get to the dentist. I shuddered to think of the procedure necessary to fix this dental nightmare but it must be done. Primero and Esperanza began making fun of me in my condition, telling me I looked like a 2-bit crack whore and asking me to whistle. My cheeks burned with shame and I cancelled all social functions until I could see the dentist. Then, I felt my tooth dissolving in my mouth. I tried to spit it out, to stop the erosion, but I was too late. The tooth crumbled, broke in two and was lost.

 

I woke up to the baby crying. Before I picked him up I reached into my mouth. My teeth were fine. My stomach still ached, but the dream was not real. I dreamt of losing teeth once before and sat bolt upright in bed thinking I would be spitting my molars into my hands as I had been doing in my dream. It felt so realistic I was sobbing and couldn’t fall back asleep, waking Flaco to reassure me my teeth were fine. This dream was less realistic and certainly indicative of my predicament with Esperanza and Primero. A quick Google search revealed dreams about losing teeth tend to be fueled by anxiety or having trouble with making an undesirable decision or compromise. This seems pretty spot on for me at the moment. I can’t remember what was going on when I had the last tooth dream, if I was experiencing the same level of anxiety regarding a decision or compromise. I really hope I don’t have the same dream again tonight because it really creeps me out. I have a phobia of losing my teeth, probably because my grandparents were not the picture of dental hygiene and lost their teeth to devastating tooth decay. I hope the drama and stress from the Esperanza situation (I haven’t really relayed all the details because it’s just too exhausting for me to rehash it all here, but there’s a lot of disrespect going around with this situation) dies down very soon because I’m beginning to feel the physical toll from the emotional stress.

 

Yesterday Love Bug had a hearing test done. I think this poor boy has had every test done on a baby that one can have. He had his hips checked because of the position he was in when he was born (this was when he was only a few months old). When he was evaluated for early intervention (he is getting occupational therapy because he was delayed a bit with his gross motor skills – he’s catching up and now working on some fine motor skills) he fell asleep and was snoring, so it was suggested he be evaluated for problems with his tonsils and adenoids (they were fine). Probably due to the detox he was going through, but when he was very little I thought it looked like he might have a lazy eye. When we went to the eye doctor it turned out he might have astigmatism, so we are going back the end of this month for a reevaluation. He was observed by a speech therapist because he seemed to be progressing and then he stopped. She didn’t think he qualified at this time, but did recommend he get his hearing tested to make sure there wasn’t an issue with his ears (she also mentioned his teeth were being affected by his constant finger sucking, so the PCP asked for me to take him to the pediatric dentist – I still need to set up this appointment). So, we had his hearing tested yesterday. He was grumpy because he was a little sleepy and also because he wanted me to hold him with his head on my chest, not facing the speakers and window where the audiologist was sitting. He calmed down and cooperated. Then there were a few tests with little wires stuck in his ears and he was fussy again, but the audiologist managed to get the tests done and declared there were no issues with his hearing. So, Mr. Love Bug will just need to start speaking in his own time, when he feels like it. Which is pretty much how he’s done every milestone, on his own terms. There really was no coaxing him to sit up, he would refuse and push himself prostrate. When he was encouraged to crawl, he just laid down. He would be ok standing on my lap, but if I put him on the floor he would crumple to his knees. I tried holding both of his hands and wiggling him back and forth to take a step and he would just hang there. When he was ready, he sat up on his own like he always knew how. When no one was watching he started to push army crawl backwards and push up on his hands and knees. He stood on his own, pulling up on furniture. And he walked without holding my hand. So, I keep trying, I talk to him all the time and name things he points at, but thus far he has little interest in repeating me, he just watches my lips form words and make sounds. He does make noise and says a few words, mostly his bigger siblings nicknames, but he doesn’t seem interested in parroting what I say or creating one or two word sentences. I guess he will talk when he’s good and ready!