Back-log Post

*** I wrote this post last Tuesday (2/23/16) ***

Friday we had a planning meeting for the little ones. It was supposed to be with me, the CHOR case worker and the county case worker. Planning meetings are really just a sharing of information and updates on the case and follow up on any unfinished business. I was hoping to get some insight on the status of the case from the county case worker and gage where things were at with Mini Momma because I wanted to take her along with us to the Pet Expo over the weekend. Things started going awry long before the meeting was scheduled to start. The original plan was for me to leave work and meet the case workers at my house then pick up the little ones from daycare to have a regular case visit with the CHOR case worker after we finished. I had a training at work Friday morning that lasted until just before lunchtime. When I got back to my desk after the training there were messages from the daycare asking me to pick up Chica Marie because she was not feeling well and running a fever of 102. So, instead of a quiet house for the meeting we had chaos. Chica Marie and Love Bug napped for a bit, but were wide awake during the meeting. So there were constant interruptions as I attempted to get them interested in toys or a TV show so we could talk. The CHOR case worker brought along a new case worker so they were splitting the interrogation duties. The county case worker never showed up, so the status of the case is still unknown. I did get a text from the kids’ grandmother later in the evening. She indicated she had Mini Momma for their first weekend visit – finally! We chatted a bit after I congratulated her and I mentioned hoping to get the kids together as soon as Mini Momma got settled (I’m not sure how long the transition will take, but the grandmother indicated she didn’t believe it would be terribly long). At least one question was answered! So, in my opinion, the planning meeting was a bust. I did email the county case worker with the questions, but haven’t heard anything back.

 

We did go to the Pet Expo on Saturday. We took Esperanza along with us, which was nice. It was out first excursion since the big blow out the beginning of the month. Today we were supposed to have a meeting at her school, but she told me on Saturday she wasn’t going to school today because she needed to take references to her new potential employer. And this takes all day? Whatever. She has missed a lot of school this month. So much that it worries me she might not be able to graduate. Legally, there aren’t any issues, thank goodness, because I’m sure she would be looking at unlawful absences at this point. The school social worker is going to try to reschedule the meeting, but as time drags on it seems less and less important. Like, why bother? We shall see if the meeting ever pans out. It’s not like I don’t have enough to worry about with the other kids.

 

In the afternoon at daycare Chica Marie is sent upstairs to be with the older school-aged kids. She responds much better to the older kids and doesn’t present a problem like she does with her peers. Until yesterday that is. When I went to pick her up yesterday the teacher told me she was told to sit down because she was playing with another girl until the other girl started crying. When she was asked what was wrong she said Chica Marie bit her. I was so angry and disappointed. I feel like nothing can be done with this child. These exceptions are made for her and rather than cooperating and changing her behavior, she sabotages the whole arrangement and acts out. I don’t know what can be done but it seems the harder we all try, the worse her behaviors become. It’s sickening and frustrating and I’m beginning to feel hopeless. I question every single thing I do with this kid, I second guess myself, and then berate myself for not doing better, for not teaching her better. I pull away from her because I just can’t seem to get through to her and her behaviors drive the wedge between us even deeper. She’s a child but wise beyond her years and not in a good way. She’s cunning and can easily read people, find their buttons and push until they explode. Her latest with me is telling me she doesn’t want to stay in our home, she wants her other mommy (bio mom). She accuses me of not caring for her the way her other mommy does. She talks back, she is rude and defiant and generally refuses to cooperate. I can remind her to behave at school and she can describe what that looks like, how to do it, what to do when she gets mad but she won’t do it. Often times she doesn’t even express remorse for the pain she may have caused, rather trying to make herself the victim for getting in trouble. I wish we could wipe the slate clean and have a do-over rather than this buildup of frustrations and poor behaviors. I’ve never felt so angry at a child as I have with Chica Marie. I don’t know how to get over this hurdle. I don’t know how to connect in a way that is less tenuous. Juxtaposition to her behaviors of lashing out and acting cruelly, Chica Marie often times laments the affectionate treatment I give to her brother. Why don’t you call me cute like you do Love Bug? Why don’t you call me your baby like you do Love Bug? Why don’t you fuss over me like you do Love Bug? The bonding with Love Bug is infinitely more simple than it is with Chica Marie simply because he came as a tiny newborn and has grown up in my arms. Chica Marie came as a prickly three year old with behaviors her previous home could not contend with any longer. Her bouts of lying have broken trust and make her words ring hallow, even when they are proven to be true. Her stealing has caused worry and embarrassment and fear for the future where being a cute five year old won’t bail her out of trouble. Her physical aggressions make picking her up at daycare a dreaded daily affair. And yet, she is only a small child! She is smart, she is creative and she can be loving (although, sadly I’m beginning to wonder if that isn’t part of her manipulation). She cares very much for Primero and would gladly follow him around like the Pied Piper if he would give her the chance. I want to see Chica Marie lead a happy life, but it seems so impossible right now and I feel so ill-equipped to make it happen. She has qualified for more assistance through the county intermediate unit and we will have a meeting to discuss exactly what services she will be receiving. This is to help prepare her for school in the fall. My question regarding their case and what direction it is headed is partially curiosity but also because the therapist and I need to continue a conversation with Chica Marie regarding adoption and what that means to her permanently. Chica Marie didn’t seem to grasp the idea of adoption when we talked about Primero’s adoption. In past conversations with her she seemed to believe she would eventually be moving back in with her mother, so it’s something she will need help to understand, if that is the direction their case is headed. Mostly, I’ve been reticent in talking about adoption with her simply because nothing seems concrete in their case.