Free Weekend

I finally had a weekend without the little kids. Primero was still home, but I did manage to get out on my own for a chocolate and wine tasting with my friend from work. And I got to spend some time with Primero as we did in the “old” days before everyone else moved in. Yesterday was going to be my last precious few moments alone, as the little one’s went to daycare and Primero went to school but I had the day off of work (President’s Day – the only perk to having a state government job). He ended up getting out of school early for the impending snow/ice storm (which didn’t start until much later in the day anyway) and I had to leave early to go to a registration for some special camp for Chica Marie, which was cancelled because the office closed due to the inclement weather. Sigh. Still, I had a few hours alone in the morning and managed to catch up on Downton Abbey while doing laundry. I also worked out yesterday morning and in the evening. I’m hoping to do that again today just because this is my second month of working out and eating healthier and I don’t look or feel any different. I want to see progress! Who cares if these things are supposed to take time, I want to see that getting up earlier and shoving green stuff in my face every day is making me healthier and slimmer. Instead, I’m feeling like poo this afternoon. I might be getting a cold. Blah.

 

I am feeling a little more refreshed from my weekend, but there is still so much clouding my days it would probably take a year’s worth of weekends to truly work off all the stress. Things with Esperanza are still muddled and up-in-the-air. The brokenness of these kids sometimes threatens to break me. I have a meeting schedule at her school but I’m not sure if she will go or decide to skip school that day. She’s been missing a lot of school lately. It’s just par for the course as her decision-making has been far less than healthy for several weeks now. I keep praying for improvements but thus far, I’m not seeing any.

 

Primero and I did manage to speak a little about his girlfriend over the weekend. He professed to not knowing what to do and not really wanting to break up because it was just another loss in his life (he admitted his sister’s latest stunt registers as a loss to him too). But, he also didn’t want to be with her knowing she might still have feelings for the father of her child and that she let him touch her intimately. Yesterday when I dropped him off at the CFA (after school program) he said he didn’t really want to talk to her. Texting was fine, but he didn’t want to talk to her face-to-face. When he got home last night he was very agitated and eventually told me he got back together with his girlfriend but really didn’t want to. His “friends” forced him to talk to her and that lead to them getting back together. I said if he didn’t want to be with her, he shouldn’t because in the long run that will hurt her more. He didn’t want to talk to me about it, stating he would call his sister later. Sigh. I hate this age where parents get pushed out of the loop for the wisdom of other teenagers. I know it’s natural and developmentally where he should be, but I just don’t trust the judgment of his friends. Primero did mention to me he was contemplating dating a boy this time, but felt he wasn’t ready for that. I think, perhaps he was beginning to like the idea of being free to flirt with and connect with whomever he met. But, instead, he is now back with his girlfriend and unhappily committed to working things out in their relationship. When I was speaking to him on Saturday he brought up a movie he watched (I saw part of it) where a husband took his wife back after she was addicted to sex and was with other men. I said the difference for him was that he’s not married to his girlfriend. And when I asked if he would feel the same way about her knowing another man (boy) touched her body, he got upset and changed the subject. So, we will see how long this lasts with his girlfriend. I’m honestly hoping not much longer…….