I know the holiday's are a rough time for infertiles. While enjoying friends and family with new babies is a blessing, it can also be a reminder of the pain in not having a baby of your own. I have spent a lot of mental energy thinking about how this might actually be the last Christmas without a baby (we are quickly approaching our 3rd year anniversary of trying to start a family, so this is the 4th Christmas that I have thought it might be the last one we spend without a baby). Mostly, it makes me feel better and more excited for Christmas next year. But, it also makes me a little sad. I have three friends who are celebrating this Christmas with a new baby - two for the first time. I want to be them - and when I think like that I tell myself that next year I will be them. I will be celebrating baby's first Christmas with our "new" baby. So, I don't want to dwell on the past sorrows or pick at the scabs of previous injuries. 2012 is going to be an awesome year for me and Flaco. I am accepting that as a FACT.
I am blessed in my life to have many special friends. There is a woman I work with, who is old enough to be my grandmother. She jokes that she adopting me as her daughter so she has someone to leave all her great jewelry to when she passes on. She is dealing with the foster system as a great-grandmother. Her grandson fathered a child, but he refuses to accept the child as his own (even after the paternity test shows the baby, now 1 1/2 years old is his). Her great-granddaughter's mother is not doing what she should be doing to get the baby back. This child will be the fourth she has lost to the child welfare system. But, the family who have this baby now and who are hoping to adopt her, do not want any family interaction. My friend is heartbroken. She does not want to adopt her great-granddaughter and be a mother again, she just wants to be a grandmother to her and spoil her and spend time with her on weekends and holidays. The new potential adoptive parents want nothing to do with her or her son. It breaks my heart. I pray that Flaco and I will be given wisdom when our time comes, to decide what (if any) family members should stay involved in our baby's life. My friend came to my cubicle on Friday to give me a beautiful bracelet for Christmas. She also asked me a favor. She knows that Flaco and I are adopting (she wishes she could give us her great-granddaughter - if only things worked that way). She asked to be a part of our baby's life. She wants to be "Gran" to our baby. I told her we would be honored and in my opinion a baby can never have too many grandparents.
I have another friend around the same age. She is a pistol. Totally hysterical and I love her to pieces. I hope I can be as "cool" as she is when I am old. She lives alone and sometimes calls me to come spend time with her when she gets lonely. She always has the best wine. Today we went out to a Christmas Eve brunch. I told her the above story (she knows the woman I work with) and she said that she expects to be a part of our baby's life too. She wants to baby-sit and spoil our baby.
So, I am telling these stories because I am so grateful to have such wonderful people in my life. People who are not only supportive of me and Flaco, but who are also anxiously awaiting for our baby to come home. Our baby is already so loved. And he/she already has so many people waiting to love her/him, to spoil her, teach her, and spend time with her. I just want to be sure to remind myself to be thankful for such blessings in my life.
I wish everyone a blessed and very Merry Christmas!
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