Up in the Air

Yesterday was an interesting day. I spoke with both the county case worker and my CHOR case worker regarding the kids living with me and the mess that their case has become. It’s practically certifiable; the county case worker has said this is the most messed up case she has ever seen. She told me court last week was terrible, meaning that it did not go as had been expected. She was perturbed that it seemed so many people involved in this case suggested that the visits be supervised again, which is a step backwards in terms of reunification. She told me “they” (and I don’t know who “they” are in this case) have given the kids mom 2 months to get her act together or they will change the goal for the kids. This means, the children will become legal risk. She also mentioned that the auditors from the state, who spoke with everyone involved in the case, found that if the children were sent home they would be back in the system in a short matter of time. We also spoke about the older child visiting with the relative who has expressed interest in her and this will start on Saturday. The case worker told me that the relative can come to me, I do not have to meet her anywhere because it is in the relative’s interest to make an effort for the child. This is fantastic for me because the trip, even half-way, would be half an hour or more one way – and I would have to drag the baby with me for this rendezvous.

The case worker mentioned a communication error between her and I – on her first visit to my house, she had asked me if I would consider being a long term resource for the children. What I heard was, “would you keep being their foster mother until this whole mess gets sorted out, no matter how long that would take?” But, what she actually meant was, “would you consider adoption for these two kids?” I did explain to the case worker that I want to adopt, this is my goal. So, I guess things have been clarified. She did tell me that bio mom had given more potential names for paternity of the baby, so they might possibly find family for him. Who knows?

Last night my CHOR case worker came over for a home visit and she mentioned some information that I had included in an email to my family worker. I was slightly annoyed that the email had been shared without the courtesy of contacting me - I’ve heard nothing from my family worker about the email. I didn’t say anything bad in the email, I was diplomatic, but it’s just common courtesy to let someone know their correspondence is being shared – at least it is in the “real” world, perhaps not in the foster care world. My CHOR case worker was still taking the “they are going home” stance but she modified that with “anything could happen.” She admitted that living in limbo – as I had described my current circumstances in the email – can be aggravating to say the least. And I told her how hard it was to have an interview on Friday about a whole different case and then hear the news from court Monday. She said, “well those are two different cases.” Yes, I know this. But, in my world they are intertwined because of the potential outcomes. She made no mention if the other county had made a decision about the boys. I did ask her if she knew when the third child would be born and she said that the mom told her she was due in November – she is only roughly 3 months along, but looks like she is 5 months according to the case worker. Bio mom does not have a great track record when it comes to honesty.

So, after these conversations, I called the relative later last night to set up the visit for this Saturday. I had planned for the kids to be with another foster family in respite because I am going to spend the day with a friend (we are watching season three of Downton Abbey) and get some errands done. I explained this to the relative and also that the county case worker mentioned she would be able to travel to me. The relative told me that *when* (although it is sounding more and more like an *if* kind of situation) the older child goes home to her mother and this relative has contact with her, she would like for me to still visit and stay in touch with the child because she felt it was important to not keep having people leave this child’s life. Of course, this would not include the baby, but it is encouraging that I could potentially always stay in touch with the older child and know that she is growing up healthy and happy. I told the relative I would very much like to stay in touch with the older child and that I thought it was very kind of her to think this way about a foster parent staying involved. The CHOR case worker said that during her visit yesterday the older child was saying, “I love momma bio mom’s name and I love momma foster mom's name.” She says, “I love you” a lot to me, which is good. In fact two weeks ago in church she said it and the baby echoed the sentiment – which nearly made me bawl!

So this is where things are at right now. Big heaping piles of nowhere! I guess it’s a good thing to know that I am not the only one confounded by this placement! I'm still not down with the potential situation that they might allow to happen with the relative of the older child - I just can't get behind it! But, at least I might get a chance to get to know the relative who might take the older child and so I might not feel as bad about where she is going, other than "the issue." I don't suppose that makes a lot of sense, but I'm too paranoid to write about any details because of everything that happened with my first foster-to-adopt placement. I don't tend to make the same mistake twice. So, everything is up in the air and in the mighty Hands of God. And it ain't over 'til the Fat Lady sings........