Tonight the children came back late from their visit and I had a solid two hours alone in my house. Although I was anticipating their arrival, I reminded myself that at some point in the (relatively?) near future my house will again be devoid of children clamoring for my attention. While short reprieves like the one this evening are welcomed, being alone in the house wishing the children were back "home" is not something I look forward to occurring. After seven months one gets rather accustomed to the way things are and reverting back to anxiously awaiting a new placement is not easy.
The older child, who is weeks away from a birthday (would you believe I never had any of my placements for their birthdays?), said something funny to me this morning. She asked where they were going today (she asks that a lot - probably due to never knowing what to expect in her tumultuous little life!) and when I told her she would going to visit her mommy she said, "Oh yeah! I'm going to visit my mommy. She is my mommy just like you are my mommy. I have two mommies!" It was both funny and sad; funny because she views both her biological mommy and me as equal mommy's to her and funny because when she says it like that it sounds like she is being raised by a lesbian couple (and this just makes me giggle - mostly because imaging myself with any woman let alone her mother is hard!). But it is sad because she has become so accustomed to such an unhealthy arrangement. I mean, in one way it is good that she is able to normalize an abnormal situation like, what doesn't everyone have two mommies? It is also sad because she will not always have two mommies loving her - one of us will fade into a distant memory and we both know who that will be..... So, I just told her she was right, she has two mommies who love her very much and isn't she so lucky? To which she responded, "No, I'm just a little girl." That's toddler logic for you right there!!!
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