Fleeting Moments

I’m not sure if it was my nostalgia or Primero’s but one night last week when we were watching TV together, he shoved a pillow onto my lap and flopped on top of it for me to run my fingers through his hair. When he had first moved in with me, before Love Bug came and Chica Marie moved in, this was almost a nightly ritual for us – snuggling on the couch, watching TV, wrapping my fingers around Primero’s luxurious curls. I don’t really know when we stopped doing it or why, but we hadn’t cuddled like that in quite some time. Growing up can be tough; I remember those moments when I still wanted to do some childish thing but felt I was “too old” to do it. For me, having younger siblings helped because I could make the excuse that I was doing it for them. For Primero, most of his teenage years were spent trying to get attached to a new family (me) while also trying to be a “normal” teen and separate and explore. For the most part, he seemed to be in a hurry to grow up. We had some growing pains just before and just after he turned 18. But, now he seems to be settling into this new “adult” role. I think he understands I’m not going anywhere and while I do want him to be making his own decisions he still needs to remain respectful to the household rules and I will hold him accountable for the outcome of his decisions. His new adulthood status hasn’t been easy for me either – letting go when I finally feel like I’ve got a grasp on things results in a lot of internal wars with myself. So, I was gleefully satisfied when Primero plopped his head on my lap because I cherish all the moments we’ve had together and I will soak them up every chance that I get.  

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