A few months ago a former
co-worker came to the program at my current job. I have been in my current
position for nearly 10 years, so I had not seen my co-worker from my previous
job in that length of time. At first, she asked my name, but used my sister’s
name so I was confused. Then, when she said where she met my sister, I realized
she meant me. After the presentation I ended up meeting with her for the
one-on-one portion. We exchanged niceties and then she said, “You look exactly
the same! Everything, even your hair is the same!” I smiled and acknowledged
what she meant as a compliment, but this has really struck a chord with me. I
feel like I have changed so much in the last 10 years I am hardly the young
woman she knew. I’m glad she thinks I am aging well, but this last decade has
not been the most kind to me. When she knew me, I was newly married and only
thinking about starting a family. I was settling into life after college and
the Peace Corps and trying to find my way into a career I would enjoy and find
fulfilling (so that still remains the same). I was much more naïve and
unseasoned by life ten years ago than I am now. And my hair has had a lot of
changes! It really shouldn’t bother me, she meant to compliment how young I
still look, but her compliment back-fired and made me feel the need to show my
growth. I lived and learned through infertility, divorce, and foster-adoption.
These experiences have changed me in profound ways. I suppose the changes are
just not as evident externally as they are internally. I suppose I should
consider myself lucky that the pains etched into my heart are not visible on my
body, or at least not to the casual observer. I don’t have the battle scars, like
the dog bite scar on my leg from when I was in the Peace Corps, to show to the
world what I have endured. Still, knowing how much I have changed, it really
bothered me to hear someone suggest I was exactly the same. I am not. I am forever changed.
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I had something similar just a week or so again. Someone I hadn't seen in 20 years said I looked just the same. Yet like you, I've been through a lot, and only in the last few years have I changed my hair back to the way it was when I knew her. I'm trying to take it as a compliment. I'm sure that's the way it was meant.
ReplyDeleteThank you for writing this post. Like you, "this last decade has not been the most kind to me." I am happy, but I worked extremely hard to get to this point and none of it was easy. I haven't changed my hair in the last 20 years so I do look the same, but I am definitely changed forever.
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