Not Quite the Same Thing

I hate when a married parent says to me, “Oh, yeah I totally get how hard it is because my significant other works long hours/goes away on many work trips. So hard.” Um, no. Hard no. You do not understand being a single parent. Yes, it might be hard when your partner is not there for 5 out of 7 bedtime routines or when you are always the parent to stay home with a sick kiddo. It is hard being the one to prepare dinner 90% of the time or being the only parent available to check homework or run this kid to soccer and that kid to dance class. Parenting is hard even if you are not doing it solo. But, please do not tell me your partner working long hours is the same thing as being a single parent because it just isn’t. Do you have someone to bounce ideas off of even if it’s just the last 15 minutes before you fall asleep? Do you have someone to go to parent-teacher conferences with or at least share what you learned? Is there a second income coming into your home? Or someone staying home to save on daycare costs? Does your partner make time to help out, even if it is only once a week or a few times a month? If yes, then you have no idea what it is like to be a single parent. I do not have any of that. There is no one going to conferences with me or to talk about all the hard behaviors we deal with on a daily basis. There is no one who can tag me out when I need a breather or when I am sick. Anytime I am not with my children, I am paying someone else to be with them (unless Primero is available which is becoming less and less of a thing). No one else does the nightly routine. No one else takes off for doctor’s appointments or when a child is sick (or suspended, more likely). So, please I know you are trying to empathize with me, but do not tell me having a partner who works a lot is “just like” being single. You really have no idea. 

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