Case Changing

I’m going to be a mother again. I got a text today from the CHOR case worker stating the county is moving the case for the baby and little girl to adoption. They will be assigned a new adoption case worker. Wow! What more can I say but WOW! The way the worker wrote in the text it sounded like it was just the baby. So, I asked her about the little girl and she said her case too was being moved to adoption. Officially, their goal has not been changed because that is something that must happen in court. But, the fact that the county is making this move leads the case worker to believe the goal will be changed at the next court hearing (which is scheduled for July at this point). I’m surprised at how quickly this change has come. The baby is only 8 (almost 9) months old, I thought he’d be nearly 2 before any change was made to his case. I feel bad for their bio mom, I can’t image how hard this must be especially in light of all her previous losses (the older children). But, in all honesty, the baby has felt like he’s mine for quite some time now. He only knows me as his momma and he’s attached, very attached. I want to be super-excited but I’m only cautiously happy. I know the danger of getting too caught up in believing something will happen based on words alone.

Last week when we spoke about his and my expectations for the future, Primero expressed concern about the little girl. He has, from day one, not gotten along with the little girl. She, on the other hand, adores him and is more attached to him than to me, I think. When he is not around she asks about him. When he is home she is never too far from him. She tells him she loves him all the time. Primero is her all, no matter how much he pushes her away, not matter if he is mean to her or ignores her, she is all about Primero. So, when Primero asked, “What are we going to do with her?” meaning adoption, if it got to that point, I knew we would need to have this conversation. I told him I wanted to focus on him at the time, so we put his question on the back burner. Now, with the revelation that their case is moving from reunification to adoption, we need to talk about the little girls future in a very real way. Ultimately, the decision is mine to make. But, I had considered Primero’s feelings about taking her in as a foster placement before agreeing to accept her. And we did talk about adoption before when I was asked by her previous case worker. But, it is more real now and so we need to talk about it. Primero has no issues with adopting the baby, he loves the baby (who doesn’t?). He even calls the baby his brother sometimes. So, we shall see how this goes. Nothing is written in stone, I’m sure there are still last-minute efforts that their bio mom could make to change the course of this case.

The other thing I really need to think about are names. The baby’s name is not something I would have chosen but I don’t have a problem with his name and would only change his middle name. I’m thinking of using my father’s middle name because the baby has the same first initial as my father and if I give him my maiden name, he will have the same initials as my dad. I like family stuff like that. The little girl, well, I really don’t like her name. In fact, I hardly ever call her by her given name, I call her by the nickname I used the first weekend she came to stay with me when she wouldn’t tell me her name. She tells people that is her name. So, I would probably rename her something that still fits with her nickname so she can stick with that. I have never asked her (I had no reason before now) if she would like a new name. She’s still pretty young and it’s hard to get a straight answer out of her for simple things like what she wants for lunch, so I don’t know if she will even understand changing her name.

So, with the up’s and down’s lately, it’s a welcome relief to receive some good news. I know we still have a long road ahead of us, but every journey begins with one step forward. Here we go!