Something Stuck in my Eye

Yesterday was not a good day. Things were going mostly well, until after the meeting with Chica Marie’s school and my car wouldn’t start. I thought maybe the gas gauge was broken and instead of ¼ tank of gas I had none. I decided to walk home and get the gas can we use to refill the lawn mower. Luckily, it had gas in it, saving me from a longer walk to the gas station. I carefully dumped as much as I could into my gas tank and thought surely the car would crank over and stay running. But, it didn’t. After several futile tries, I gave up and walked back home. I was home and Primero would be home soon, but I had no way to get the little ones. This was a problem. I began contacting people I thought could help me. Finally, I found my friend from work who promised to come get me after work. She asked me to meet her at the diner near my house. Primero helped me carry the car seats those 7-8 blocks and he waited with me until our neighbor drove by and stopped to see if we were ok. Knowing my friend from work was near, I told Primero to take the offered ride home and waited the last few minutes alone.

 

Once, I got the kids back home I decided to take my first ever Uber ride to my ASL class. I felt guilty about going, but I had paid for those classes and it ended up being a really fun class, which helps to keep me from losing my mind over all this mess. I called my dad during the break and he said he thought the fuel pump was the culprit and he moved the van from the spot it was at, since I parked in the bus parking spot thinking I would be gone before the buses got there. He suggested I use my AAA membership to get the van towed to the garage near him, which I did as soon as I got home. Primero, being the stellar kid he is, took care of giving the kids dinner (I had made taco meat in the crockpot and started warming some rice and beans from the night before), washed Chica Marie’s hair and put her to bed. He also helped my dad move the van. Love Bug was super clingy when I got home because he hadn’t seen me for much of the day. I had just convinced him to lay down in his crib when my phone rang and the tow truck driver asked if he had found my car. I dashed off, speed-walking the two blocks back to the school. I collected a few things from the van, like the stroller and gas can, and walked back home. I took a shower and sat down for a few minutes before it was time for bed.

 

This morning a friend drove over to my place so I could take him to work (he works at Primero’s school, so not too far) and have his car to get to work myself. At lunch I drove back to his work so I could return his car. After work I walked to the daycare, where I had stashed the car seats, to wait for my mom to come pick us up and take us home. It’s going to be a long weekend with no car. I have no idea how we will get the groceries we need and I’m super bummed I had to cancel my visit with my roommate from college. I’m hopeful the garage can fix my car with minor costs and time, but that just isn’t how it works for me.

 

I’m so tired of always having car trouble. I feel like I should be able to do something about it, but I just don’t have the money for a new car and can’t afford a car loan. It feels like when you have something stuck in your eye. You try to wipe it out and blink it away and when that doesn’t work you go to a mirror to see if you can see the invisible offending piece of hair or dirt in your eye. More blinking, more wiping, some tears and you think it’s gone until you walk away and that same irritation is there. Even if you get it out, your eye is still sore from the effort. That is pretty much how I’m feeling about life right now. I have this thing stuck in my eye and I cannot get it out. I probably don’t even make any sense right now because I am so, so tired.