Would this offend you?
Last Saturday the kids and I were out running errands before
we had to be home for an ATT Installation. It was lunchtime and we were hungry,
so we went to one of our favorite Chinese restaurants. The day was cloudy and a
brisk wind kicked up from time to time. Having been accustomed to the warmer
late summer days and being inside, I dressed the kids in summer clothes. Love
Bug was wearing shorts and a tee-shirt and Chica Marie was wearing leggings and
a short-sleeve shirt. I was dressed in capri pants and a ¾ length sleeve
sweater shirt with flip-flops. Primero wore a sleeveless shirt and shorts. The restaurant
was chilly, it seemed like they had the AC on to keep the cooks in the back
cooler, but for the diners it was rather chilly. The restaurant was busier than
usual and we sat at our usual table near an elderly couple. The woman had a
white fleece jacket draped over her shoulders. Chica Marie was chilly when she
sat down and also not having a very good day, having been in time out twice
before we left the house. Now, Chica Marie has a flare for the dramatics, so of
course she acted like I just walked into Siberia and plunked her down on a
giant ice cube under a snow machine. She didn’t say a word, she just pantomimed
how frosty she felt. The woman at the table next to us took it upon herself to
fix my bad parenting and marched over to our table to plunk her coat over Chica
Marie. She didn’t say a word to me, she didn’t even look at me. I was both
angry and mortified and wanted to just get up and leave right at that moment.
The waitress, who knows us and always chats with us, came over and put an arm
around my shoulders. Sensing my unease she said, “She is a good person, a
pharmacist. She is a really great lady trying to help.” I would not be assuaged.
I found her to be rude and judgmental. Primero went to the car to seek out a
sweater for poor frigid Chica Marie, before finding one in the diaper bag
hanging on the back of his chair the whole time. He took the white jacket off
of Chica Marie and handed her her own black sparkly hoodie. Primero walked the
sweater back to its owner and I sat stone faced, my cheeks burning. When our
food arrived I was too worked up to eat and just wanted to leave the restaurant
posthaste. Even when I ate my meal as left-overs they didn’t taste good to be
because of the memory of what happened.
So I ask, how would you feel in this situation? Was she a
Good Samaritan, just trying to help where she saw need? Or, was she a nosy,
busybody trying to make a point, whatever that might have been? One extra layer
to add to this story is the difference in race – the elderly couple were white,
I am a white mother with a Hispanic son and two black children. Did race play a
role in this showdown? Have you ever been on the receiving end of someone’s “goodness”
that really just felt like heaping coals upon your head?
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Hard to say. Maybe it was meant well but weird that she didn't say anything!
ReplyDeleteWell yeah it's sort of a nosy busybody thing to do. I would have maybe said, "Oh thanks but that's ok, I have a sweater for her." Don't let people like this ruin your good time!
ReplyDeleteHmmm. I would say she meant well if she said, "oh dear, are you cold? You can have my sweater if you'd like!"
ReplyDeleteBut she didn't. She came over kind of angrily and foisted her fleece on Chica Marie, and didn't say anything at all. It was definitely poking her nose in, and if she wanted to do it as a kind gesture she could have done it in a kind way. ARGH. I can see how the food would be bitter after that, hard not to let emotions override hunger or taste.
I think if she truly meant well she would have spoken to you and offered her jacket instead of ignoring you and going directly to your daughter. She sounds rude and judgemental. I would have felt pretty much like you did. I just might have plucked her jacket and handed it back to her with a 'No thank you'.
ReplyDelete