Last Night

Last night was bad. For the first time ever I contemplated calling CHOR on-call for Chica Marie. The night was fairly typical. We came home at our regular time, around 5, and I made dinner. After dinner I washed the dishes and then gave Love Bug a bath. Chica Marie kept coming in the bathroom for various reasons. While I was washing the dishes she and Love Bug were running around and they accidentally ran into one another, bumping heads. Chica Marie cried about this for a long time and wanted an ice pack, which I told her was fine. So, after Love Bug was clean and changed in his pjs, I told Chica Marie it was time for her to go to bed. She was already in her pajamas because I suggested she change as a way to distract her from crying and clinging to my leg after the collision with Love Bug. I asked her to get a book to read and she was very sullen because Love Bug had been given a treat (by Primero) and she didn’t get anything. We read the book and she got mad because I said the scooters in the picture didn’t have training wheels. She then began griping about anything she could think of and crying. I let her sit on my lap and cry for some time, listening to her complain about things, like someone taking the candy bracelet her friend gave her at school, wanting to see her sister and have her over to our house, Love Bug getting a treat and her not getting one, and more things I cannot remember. Finally, she seemed to be calming down so I asked her to go to bed. She asked for the melatonin pills, but I explained that she needed to learn to sleep without them. She declared that without the pills she would be up all night, dancing around her room and (when I didn’t respond) the whole house (and when I still didn’t respond) my bedroom too (still nothing from me) and she would wake me up. I said, ok. Time for bed. She started yelling, “No, no no!” telling me she didn’t want to go to bed, but I calmly insisted she lay down. As I covered her with her blankets she thrashed about and began smacking herself hard in the face while screaming no and flailing about in her bed. The thrashing and flailing about is common, but I’ve never seen her hit herself like that before. I called to Primero asking him to find the on-call number for CHOR. Chica Marie stopped screaming and asked if she could go to CHOR, declaring she wanted to go to CHOR. I told her she wouldn’t go to CHOR, that I would only speak to someone and if they felt it necessary we would go to the hospital. I asked her if she could calm down (because she clearly could) and she screamed no and resumed thrashing about. I finally told her it was time for bed and I was going to leave her room. I left and got ready to take a shower. I could hear her screaming and banging on the wall. She banged so hard, something in the bathroom, on the other side of her bedroom, fell off the wall. I went back to her room to tell her she could not bang on the wall like that and so she just screamed and kicked her bed. From the moment we walked into her room until she finally ran out of steam and fell asleep, it was about 2 hours.

 

    I really contemplated calling on-call last night because Chica Marie was so out-of-control. I didn’t call because I knew they really couldn’t really do anything. I feel like I’m on a sinking ship shackled to enormous weights; I’m going down and can’t do anything to stop it. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to make things better and in my attempts to try something new, I seemed to have upset the balance even more. Previously, we didn’t have as much trouble with Chica Marie going to bed at night. This morning she was tired, which I know doesn’t set her up for having a good day, but I had no idea it would take nearly 2 hours for her to get to sleep. I don’t know what to do.

 

    One other brief story from yesterday. In the morning I usually let Chica Marie pick out the shoes she wants to wear but I hold veto power because sometimes she doesn’t pick appropriate footwear (like sandals when it’s snowing or snow boots when it’s hot). Yesterday she wanted to wear her black boots, but they didn’t really fit over her pants, so I asked her to change. She put on sneakers that I have told her multiple times can only be worn to play outside or when we are going to the farm because they are really worn out and have a hole in the top of the front toe. When I asked her to change her shoes again, she had a major attitude about it and we had a skirmish about the shoes. In the mornings I don’t have time for a 20 minute crying session to “connect” and get her to cooperate. I chose her gray boots, told her to put them on, and resumed getting ready. When I picked her up from daycare yesterday afternoon her teacher handed me a gray strap. The boots had decorative straps at the top and apparently Chica Marie tied them together and began hopping around until one of the straps broke. I know she did this on purpose because I made her wear the boots. I didn’t even bother talking to her about it, I didn’t give the satisfaction of seeing me angry that she broke her boots. But, I do find it infuriating.

 

    We had a meeting with her school yesterday to resume TSS services in the classroom. The new mobile therapist asked if I thought Chica Marie might have RAD (reactive attachment disorder). I said I believed she might have attachment issues, but I don’t think she’s RAD. I read more about it last night and the RAD diagnosis doesn’t seem to fit her, really. But, the ODD (oppositional defiance disorder) fit her to a T. What I read even mentioned ADHD/ADD as often a dual diagnosis with ODD and it seems, to my under-educated understanding, these characteristics fit Chica Marie’s behaviors completely. I will be sure to bring this up to her new mobile therapist and TSS worker and I’m hoping they might have some better ideas on how to manage than I’ve come up with to date. I don’t know how many more nights like last night I will be able to withstand….