What Behaviors?

I found out through our case worker that the counselor doing the child prep for Chica Marie was no longer with CHOR. She had made plans to be at our house right after school on President’s Day and never showed, so I asked my case worker about it and that was her response. Last night the new counselor assigned to the child prep came out as did our case worker. I had emailed my case worker regarding the difficult night Chica Marie and I had, so she was up-to-speed on things. For as long as she has been our case worker she has known about Chica Marie’s behaviors and has documented them, I am sure. So, the case worker was only there for about 45 minutes before she had to get off to the next home. The child prep counselor was there for almost an hour and half. At the end of her time with Chica Marie, she started talking to me and asked, “So, what behaviors does she have because I didn’t see any tonight.”

 

I did a slow blink and bit back the scathing response that popped into my head. She didn’t think the little temper tantrum Chica Marie had when she was told they couldn’t go to the park was a big deal because she could be redirected from it eventually (please imagine doing this hourly or maybe, on bad days, back-to-back minute-to-minute - THEN you might begin to understand….). And Chica Marie was behaving yesterday, so no she didn’t get to see the behaviors but, um isn’t there a file on this kid somewhere documenting ALLLLLLL the behaviors I have reported in these past (nearly) 3 years?! After one short interaction you cannot fully understand the behaviors of this child. I was so stunned by the question I honestly could not answer her. Now, given some time to compose myself, I could run off a litany of behaviors including lying, stealing, talking back, defiance, non-compliance, not following directions, temper tantrums that she cannot be redirected out of, aggression towards peers, shall I keep going? It just bugged me so so so much to have it seem like I have a perfect little angel in my home because she managed to behave for an hour while getting undivided attention. I understand that everyone has a different threshold when it comes to behaviors, but after living through some pretty hellish weeks, I didn’t want to hear, “she seems ok to me.” So, does this mean you think I made them up? Do you think she only has behaviors with me, therefore it’s something I’m doing or not doing? Do you think I’m too picky and expect perfection from a six year old and so I nag about behaviors that annoy me but really aren’t a big deal? Because, essentially, this is what you just said. Because Chica Marie could keep it together for an hour, you seem to think allllllllll the other reports from alllllllll the other people (including the school and daycare!) must be wrong or misguided or what? And so where does this leave us? Please don’t discredit me. Please don’t come into my home for an hour and think you truly understand the breadth and width of what is our everyday life. Trust me, if you stick around long enough you will see the things that I have seen. And then, I will smile smugly and ask, “So, what behaviors does she have?”