What would you do in this situation? After running some
errands, including picking up fast food for dinner (ugh, I know!), the kids and
I arrived at the laundromat to dry our clothes, as is our Sunday custom. I
cannot tell you how excited I am for my income tax refund so I can buy a dryer
and bid the laundromat adieu! Primero had taken our various laundry baskets
into the laundromat to stuff the clothes in the dryers while I stayed in the
car and gave the little ones their dinner. Not long after Primero went inside a
white car pulled up beside us and the woman driver got out and went inside. I
wasn’t paying attention, really, because I had no reason to watch what she was
doing. I did notice a child sitting in the front seat and so I assumed she was
going inside for a minute and would soon return. It wasn’t until Chica Marie
pointed out the baby in the backseat was crying, that I took notice of the
time. Again, I assumed the mom would be right out and noticed her walking
around on her phone. Maybe she misplaced something and was looking for it?
Primero came back out to the car to eat his dinner and wait for our clothes to
dry. The mom had been inside for over 5 minutes and we could see the baby was rather
distressed. We could not hear him because it was a damp, chilly day and the
windows were closed, but we could see his little face scrunched up and his
little fists pumping the air in frustration. The older boy, who I guessed to be
about 8-9 years old, seemed oblivious to the baby’s distress. Ten minutes
ticked by. The older boy got out, leaving the baby alone, and went inside
presumably to tell his mom the baby was crying. He came back out alone. Twenty
minutes had passed, the boy went in a second time and his mom came to the door
of the laundromat, still on her phone, but she did not come out to the baby. The
older boy climbed back into the front seat. He turned to face the seat and
punched it hard three times, before hoping over the middle console into the
back seat to sit next to the baby. By now I was concerned. The mother was obviously
not going to come back out in a few minutes and I had to decide my course of
action. I posted our situation on Facebook and someone suggested she was
struggling and rather than punitively call CPS, I should offer her my help. We
went inside and I found her pulling laundry from a washer. I offered her help,
citing her crying baby left in the car. She was on her phone. To my offer for
help she said, “ok, yeah I know,” making no move to help her distraught child.
I reiterated the baby had been crying for over 20 minutes. She tried to brush
me off again. Finally, sensing she was not going to tend to her child, I told
her I was a mandated reporter and she needed to get her baby or I was going to
have to make a phone call. She stormed out to her car, still on her phone. She
brought the baby and the older boy inside. The baby was still crying, as she
was outside on her phone. Later, as we were folding our laundry, she approached
me to tell me she thought how I spoke to her was “mad ignorant” and just
because I didn’t like how someone did something I was threatening her. She said
the older boy, who supposedly was 11, was supposed to be watching the baby (who
was maybe 3-4 months old) and instead was “being a jerk.” The older boy did
hold the baby inside the laundromat and both seemed a little calmer than they
were in the car. I regret not calling CPS because I don’t think she planned on
bringing them inside. I think her plan was to let them in the car for the 90+
minutes she was washing their laundry. If it was just the older boy, I don’t
think it would have been a big deal, but the baby was howling, clearly in
distress, and she was ignoring him. She claimed he was a fussy, colicky baby.
So was Love Bug, but I would never let him in the car screaming for 20 minutes
let alone more than 90 minutes. I hope it was just an off day for her, things
weren’t going her way the baby didn’t let her sleep and she needed a minute to
breathe. I’ve been there, Love Bug was a tough baby. Still, I’m berating myself
for not calling because what if things are worse at home? What would you have
done?
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I like to think I would have done what you did. I think what you did was well done.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to other people's lives we are all "mad ignorant." But sometimes we have to step in and you did. There were other people who must have seen and didn't step in.
Thank you. I agree, we have no idea what someone else's life is like. But, there are certain unacceptable situations, like leaving a crying infant in the car unattended. Still, my hope was to help her, not condemn her. Sadly, she didn't see it that way....
DeleteThis is hard. I would have called the police. It is illegal to leave children unattended in a vehicle, even if she was just inside. Clearly if she was on her phone all that time she just didn't want to be bothered with her children. Maybe she needed a wake-up call. These situations make me so sad for the children, and for all the people who want kids and can't have them, and then people like that who have them and ignore them.
ReplyDeleteI called the police on a woman once when I waked by her car and saw two small children strapped into car seats all alone while she shopped. She tried to say she didn't know she couldn't do that, and thought it was ok because she left the window cracked for them, as if they were dogs. The kids were 3-4 and an infant. They were never in distress, but were alone, which is neglectful on its own. I ended up having to go to court to testify and everything because they charged her.
I don't know...it's my feeling to always speak up and alert authorities and let them decide if the kids are safe or not. I would rather have been wrong and misunderstood a situation than to be right and kept quiet.
I understand what you're saying and I've been beating myself up for not just calling. In the immediate sense, the problem was resolved, the baby was taken care of because she brought him inside and he stopped crying. But, in the larger sense, who knows how she treats the children at home? Was it an off day for her or was this her normal mode of operandi? Did the older child face the wrath of her retaliation because she didn't think he was helping enough? Does she often leave the care of the infant in the hands of a young child? Were my actions a wake-up call to her, to be more mindful of how she treats her children? I don't know and I suppose I will always be plagued by not knowing...
DeleteHi just want to say that hindsight is a great thing. At the end of the day you did something about it at the time. It is hard in the moment to know what to do and many people wouldn't do a thing about it. Now you have had time to think about it you can have a plan of action if there is ever another issue you come across.
ReplyDeleteAnd hopefully it was a wake up call for her.
This is true, hindsight is 20/20. I would certainly be ready to spring to action if I ever had the unfortunate occasion to meet her again....
DeleteThis is such a hard situation. You want to give people the benefit of the doubt. I once encountered a baby screaming alone in a car, so I stood next to the car, watching the baby through the window until the person came out. But it felt... wrong. Like I should have been doing something more than just standing there, making sure the baby was okay in that moment.
ReplyDelete