No News is Not Good News

No news is good news, or so the old adage goes. But, it is wrong. I haven’t heard much news in regards to Chica Marie’s move, but that isn’t necessarily a good thing. Rather than knowing this could mean something good, I know it is just prolonging the inevitable. I’ve got the hangman’s noose around my neck, they just need to kick the stool out from under my feet. I know that’s a morbid way of looking at things, but it definitely describes the feeling of anticipated dread I am feeling.

 

Our case worker is back from medical leave this week, which means this whole mess gets tossed into her lap. Her supervisor, our temporary case manager, said she would follow up with the county worker last Friday. If she heard anything, she has yet to pass it along. The only update she had last week was knowledge that the referral was out there, the county officially began seeking a therapeutic foster home via whatever channels they use to communicate such a request. In my theatrical mind, it’s an old Western-style wanted poster, with Chica Marie’s innocent face and list of wrong-doings posted under WANTED in bold, black letters. I’m sure it’s more of a simple blurb in an email, but it certainly feels more ominous than that to me. It’s hard sitting here waiting for notice, not knowing what is going on behind the scenes.

 

We had a long weekend, with the kids being off from school Friday and Monday and me being home Monday. We didn’t really do anything except lounge around the house. I think all the running around and the stress of things had me worn out, so we did very little and while that makes me feel guilty and like I wasted a weekend, it was also very needed. For naptime on Monday Love Bug very much wanted to sleep on the top bunk with Chica Marie. I told him he could, if he was quiet and actually went to sleep. I was willing to work with him but when I went to the bathroom, Primero’s reign did not allow one peep out of the kid and so he was whisked off into his own bed. Chica Marie had already fallen asleep so I could not reinstate Love Bug in her bed. Instead, I sat with him as he sobbed, “I want Chica Marie!” crushing my very soul, as I know too soon he will really have a reason to miss his sister (who he calls his brother which bugs her and makes me chuckle). I may have cried a little with him.

 

Later that day Chica Marie sat on the kitchen floor listing for me all the reasons why she doesn’t want a baby brother (Love Bug had broken something of hers and she was very distraught about it) anymore. Mostly I just listened because if I had spoken she might have heard the tears I was trying to hold back. I have no idea if there will be other kids in the home she is moving to, but I know Love Bug won’t be there and I’m sure she will miss him.

 

When the case manager was out at our house she wanted to know how I was doing and kept telling me “they” were here for me, to do what they could do to help me. I talked with her about Love Bug’s case and the possibility of him being adopted before and without his sister and how this didn’t sit right with me. She cited the 15-22 rule of foster care, meaning children who have been in care 15 of the last 22 months legally have to have their case reviewed and the county must move for permanency. Funny how it applies NOW when it didn’t apply the many long months the county drug their feet on TPR. I mean, give me a break! Love Bug has been in foster care all 38 months of his life and NOW the county wants to rush things along? Lovely system we have isn’t it?

 

I met a new therapist last week, one who is supposed to help with the family issues we have. She thinks I need to stop seeing my personal therapist for insurance purposes. My personal therapist doesn’t think that’s the case. I need to figure that out before the next round of appointments next week. I also need to get our foster kitten an appointment for his neutering. And, we are preparing for one or possibly two Hurricane Harvey foster dogs making their way north. Our agency is hoping to help at least 10 dogs, if not more. As always, there’s a lot going on!