Things Swirling Through My Mind

The things swirling through my mind:

 

What do I pack for Chica Marie when she leaves? Do I pack up everything that is hers? Do I send just her clothes? What about toys? Or her art supplies? I’m going to have to clean her empty room. That’s going to suck.

 

How often and how soon will we be allowed to visit? When would we be allowed to take her with us to various events or family/social gatherings? Will her new foster parents keep in touch with me? What if she decides she likes them better?

 

Will we be allowed to spend her birthday with her? What about Thanksgiving and Christmas? Can we take her trick-or-treating?

 

I’ve been begging to have her stay in her same school. I know I have no control, no say in the matter, but I won’t stop pleading with whoever will listen because her first grade teacher is so awesome and so wanting to have chance to work with her. I mean, what other first grade teacher do you know who stops over at your house the Friday before school starts just so the child can put a name with a face and feel just a tad less anxious about starting first grade? Don’t take her away from that! Don’t take her away from absolutely EVERYTHING she knows – how can you do that and expect her to improve? Hell, I’d be a mess if you did that to me! Who is going to tell the school she is leaving? I hope she’s still here for picture day.

 

When is this happening? How much notice will we be given? When will I stop crying?

 

What is the likelihood that she will return home? How often do children successfully move from traditional foster care to therapeutic foster care and back? How long do you give for the behaviors to improve?

 

I have to tell the daycare. And she will lose her spot in the assistance program that helps pay for daycare, so I’d have to re-enroll her when she comes back.

 

Love Bug is going to become more clingy, which seems impossible since he is already so clingy, but he won’t be competing with anyone for my attention, in fact he will have all my attention poured into him and I think he’s going to be even more of a momma’s boy. And, he won’t have anyone to play with at home, once his sister is gone. I think he will get lonely and bored and I will have to find ways for him to entertain himself, since he relies on his sister for a lot of that. It will be so sad when he wakes up on the weekends and wants to go to her room to wake her up and she won’t be there. How do I prepare him for this? How will he handle it when she comes home? What if she never comes home? CHOR thinks the county will push his adoption forward, citing the 15-22 law, meaning a child who has been in care for 15 of the last 22 months needs to have their case readjusted for permanency. So, in essence, they will use the same law they chose to ignore when it took them more than 15 months to complete TPR. Using the law to their advantage after choosing to ignore it for so long, yet another reason to hate the system.  

 

The more I sit in limbo the more these same questions keep swirling and swirling through my mind with greater and greater intensity.