. . . . . . Drum roll please! Ththththtththththth . . . . PCOS! Now, Johnny, tell them what they've won!
Today Senor Flaco and I went to see the Infertility Doctor for the beginning of the testing we shall endure. First, we were taken to different rooms to have 9 (yes NINE) full vials of blood drawn. Then, Flaco had to pee in a cup and he was done. Next, behind door number two! Mrs. Flaco, you get . . . . a new car!! Er, no. A pelvic exam (with my period I might add, which was rather gross) and some swabbing. The doctor listened to my heart and then felt my thyroid. I know, how romantic. He said the right side of my thyroid was a little enlarged and I might need an ultrasound of my thyroid, depending on what the test results reveal. After the feeling of the thyroid, the nurse did an ultrasound of my uterus and ovaries. I had always thought the first ultrasound I would get would be to "meet" my growing baby. Nonetheless, it was fascinating. "Do you see this (black blob that looks like Slimey from the Ghostbusters)? That is your uterus." Then, "This (planetary system) is your ovary." And the doctor proclaimed it looks like I have polycystic ovaries because of the random bumps around my ovary.
In two days from now, I will begin my 6th round of Clomid (100mg). Next Tuesday I return to the office for a saline ultrasound (for which I must take an antibiotic the day before, the day of, and the day after the procedure and I was given a prescription for a pain medication because it will "pinch" and cramp - fun!). They are also going to take more blood (they are vampires, I swear! Every time I see them they want more blood!). I have to take a 2 hour Glucose test (2 hours sitting at the lab! Seriously!) They are going to see me like every 3 days or so to follow my ovulation. They will tell us when to have intercourse or we can choose to have insemination. After all the tests results are back, the doctor will see us again to discuss everything and make some recommendations (if we don't get pregnant). I am swimming in paperwork and literature, not to mention prescriptions to fill and more tests to take!
I know I should be glad to know at least one thing that is wrong and that something like one in ten women have PCOS. And it is apparently something that should be relatively easy to treat. I still wish I didn't have it. But, knowing is half the battle, so now we can begin trying to circumnavigate the broken parts to achieve pregnancy.
As a side note : I was talking to a work friend today and mentioned having an appointment today after work. She knew about the struggle we've been having and asked how it was going. We talked a little bit and I told her I was losing hope. She told me I should pray for a baby. Listen, if I had a baby for every time I prayed for one, we'd be over-populating the state with more kids than the Duggars and Brangelina combined! Well, my friend says, "But, you have to pray correctly and have a relationship with God. And you have to be willing to make some changes. Then you will see the miracle, like we have seen so many times." Now, keep in mind, this friend is not trying to get pregnant at the moment and has no children. Her father is a pastor of a very small church. I'm sure it is my PMS-ing hormones, but I felt like saying, "Yes, you are right. I try to live a good life, have compassion, treat others kindly. I go to church and I seek a relationship with God (although, I do get angry with Him at times). I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. But, because I can't manage to pray correctly, some dirty crack whore is getting knocked up with her 4th child while I am doomed to suffer childlessly. I'm sure that was in some teaching from Jesus. Thou shalt pray correctly else thy baby be given to a homeless crack whore on welfare." I found it rather hurtful. Who are you to judge my relationship with anyone? I am not perfect, but neither are you. Because there is something I do that you don't like, I don't deserve to have a baby? Really? That seems rather harsh to me. While I learn how to pray and make changes to receive my miracle, perhaps you can pray for some compassion and understanding? Deal? Sheesh!! Sure feels good to get that off my chest!!!
The whole God/deserving a baby thing is so hard. Some days it seems reasonable that there is fairness in the universe and that you're up next for the grand prize. Other (most) days it seems like it is a total crapshoot & WHY those in the WORST conditions with the least available means to provide the most basic needs for a kid are the only ones who get babies.
ReplyDeleteMy only saline-o-grams were under anesthesia during laps, but I've heard it is way more than a "pinch." Take the pain meds, my dear. Hope you get answers.
Yes - they are vampires all of them!
ReplyDeleteHere from LFCA but think I have visited before lurking around =)
Ah, the lovely PCOS! How well I know it! However, you do now have an answer and can start working on it. As much of a pain as it all is (and, yup, they do enjoy their fill of your blood), just try to think of it as moving in baby steps to your baby.
ReplyDeleteAs for the whole "praying correctly" thing, over the 7 years we've been TTC, I've had more people make statements like this than I thought I even knew! Those who've never experieneced infertility can't know how unhelpful and hurtful statements like this are. The ignorance of statements like that makes me so mad sometimes that I could almost literally slap the person saying it. Just remember that some day she may come to you with something like this that is hurting her and you'll be more sympathetic to her. Also, know you've got people here who understand and support you.
PCOS...she's a real pain in the tush. But having answers is the first step in truly being on the way to your baby.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that you had to deal with the insensitive remarks. I think we've all struggled with that at some point.
*HUGS*
http://the-wheeler-family.net/aramelle_blog/
I am very glad you have an answer- or at least the beginning of one. I am not glad you had to listen to that crap.
ReplyDeleteYou should have kicked her in the shins and told her you would pray for forgiveness for that one too!
ReplyDeleteI have a lot of friends who have become pregnant with a diagnosis of PCOS. I know it sucks to have an infertility diagnosis, but that is a relatively "good" one to have if you have to be stuck with one.
ReplyDeleteAs for your friend, I think it is easy for people who haven't gone through the infertility struggle to say the most well-meaning mean things. With that said...I pay for the orders of random strangers behind me at Starbucks and am more generous about letting peole cut into my lane during my commute when I am heading into a cycle. Even though I know it's silly, it's easy for me to think that being "extra nice" will show God that I "deserve" a baby.