Will You Keep Him?

Just like every child is different, every foster placement is different. We got a letter last week notifying us that the kid has a permanency hearing next month. I asked his case worker about it when she came to visit and she said Berks county requires the foster parents to attend court. I’ve never been to court with a kid before, so I don’t know what to expect. She said they schedule many cases on the same day and they tell everyone to come to the courthouse at 9 am. If we get to go first, we could be in and out quickly. If not, then it could take all day, literally. Ugh! I guess I will take the whole day off of work and hope I can work a half day, if we get out in time. Saturday night the kid and I were watching a movie, as is our custom, and he had chosen the Vince Vaughn movie about the man that fathered 533 children through sperm donation. I forget the name of the movie, but at one point he is having a baby with his girlfriend (one he fathered the good old fashioned way) and I sighed and said, “I want one of those! I want a baby!” to which the kid said “I’m your baby.” I jokingly said, “I know, but I want one to keep. You’re just a rental.” To which he pretended to run away, grabbing my keys and sitting in the car until he realized I wasn’t going to chase him. Sunday night, after Easter dinner at the farm and after my brother (yes, I have a brother and yes, he made a rare appearance at Easter dinner) and sister and their significant others left, we were chatting in the kitchen. The kid was on his phone, as usual, when he suddenly burst out with a loud, “Ugh!” When I asked him what’s wrong he said, “My mom and brother are moving to Philly and now she won’t ever get me back.” Earlier in the day, the kid was talking to my mom and I was pulling weeds and spreading mulch with my sister. I walked up to them only to hear the end of their conversation which I gathered was about the kid’s mom missing the last two visits with him. He was telling my mom that it was frustrating but he was used to it, so it doesn’t surprise him. Trying to be positive, I said, “Well, she was sick last week, right?” He shook his head no. Tonight on the way home from therapy we ended up at a red light next to a mini van. It was a warm day, so we had our windows down. The kid waved at the pretty young woman in the van and said "hey!" She seemed to ignore him at first before waving back. Then an older man in the front seat leaned forward to stare at us, then slinked down in his seat. As the light changed the kid said, "that's my ratched dad and his girlfriend." A friend of mine attended church with us Sunday morning and as we sat waiting for the kid to come down from Sunday school upstairs, she asked me if I was going to keep him – my least favorite question other than, “How long will you have him/her?” How did this go from respite, to a temporary placement, to a permanent placement and now perhaps beyond? Would his mother and brother really move to Philly and leave the kid in the lurch? What will happen at court next month (I cannot tell you how terrified I am about court – not about the outcome but about me keeping my mouth shut and not getting into trouble)? What if I am given the choice to “keep” him? It might sound silly for me to say this because I’ve been so desperate to adopt for several years now, but it’s a huge decision! On one hand, we are happy and content together with no problems or issues. On the other hand we are talking about a huge commitment to a child on the precipice of becoming an adult and so all that stuff I thought I would eventually do when my child got to that age will be upon me – learning to drive, starting to date, shaving (legs and pits are not the same as your face! I will need call in an expert – DAD!), picking out a college, graduating from high school, getting a job! Didn’t I just get done doing all of this for myself? I know I’m getting ahead of myself in all of this, so it’s best to just stop thinking about it until the appropriate time comes or if it comes.