Primero

The kid (I think I’m going to call him Primero on the blog because Primero means “first” in Spanish and he will be my first child – it’s pronounced PREE-merrow, roll the rr’s) was in better spirits last night. He met with the case worker doing his child profile when he got home from school yesterday and she was still there when I got home from work. After she left we went out to dinner and chatted. He said the child profile case worker told him she had heard some good news. He asked her what it was and she said, “you tell me.” He said, “that I get to stay permanently?” She responded by saying that I would take legal guardianship of him, to which he said, “No, I don’t want her to take legal guardianship.” The woman’s eyes got round as saucers until he said, “I want her to adopt me.” The case worker smiled and she said, “Even better!” I thought he was on the fence about it, thinking he wouldn’t want his mother’s parental rights terminated but, like me, I think he just wants to have some finality and closure to it all. His track coach called me yesterday to talk about county’s (apparently Primero is very close to making the county team, which is great) and to tell me how much he has improved. The coach kept referring to me as his mother, not foster mother, just mother. I didn’t correct him. In my head I was saying, “soon enough.”

 

We have a bunch of steps to take before anything is finalized, starting with a change in his permanency goal from reunification to adoption. I’m guessing this will happen at the next court date in a few weeks. The county will then move to terminate his mother’s rights (I don’t know how long this will take) and he will have to live with me for six months before I can petition to adopt him. If things go smoothly, it could all be official by the fall and before his next birthday. As hard as it might be on her, it would probably be better for everyone involved if his mother would just sign over her rights. This would prevent multiple court hearings and appeals for the county to take her rights away. I don’t know if she would be willing to do that or not. If she doesn’t it could push the finalization off until next year. Regardless, it seems like this is really happening. I can’t quite get my head wrapped around it. I know I have been waiting so long to become a mother and I have dreamt of this day more times than I can remember, but to think it is actually happening is mind-blowing. In some ways, things won’t change – I’m still me and Primero is still himself. Our interpersonal interaction will steady-on and grow stronger. But, it will feel so strange to not have CHOR case workers traipsing in and out of my house, to not have paperwork to fill out and hand-in, to not have to facilitate visits and therapy sessions (well, he might stay in therapy). Last night we talked about him taking my last name – my original last name, not the one I’m using now which means I need to get this darn divorce taken care of already! The only thing we haven’t talked about is what he should call me. Right now he calls me by my first name – well, he calls me by my nickname which I only let people close to me use like my friend from college, my sister and my mom. It doesn’t bother me that he uses my name and I don’t think I could or would demand he call me “mom.” Maybe he will at some point, but I think that transition could take awhile. I keep telling myself that very soon I will have a son; my very own child that I have wanted for oh so long. It’s like my heart does not believe my head; my heart says it can’t be happening, it doesn’t feel real, it doesn’t seem possible after all this time, all those tears, all that pain.

 

As we drove to the restaurant (we went to Friendly’s) last night Primero said he knew I wanted a baby and so he knows I’m not getting what I wanted. I told him not to say that. Sure, my dream was to adopt a baby, but that doesn’t make me want him any less. I told him maybe I didn’t know what I wanted, but I was happy and content with how things have turned out. He then told me he would like to be a big brother (he has two younger siblings but he hardly gets to see them) and he would be happy to have a little one in the home. I’ve seen how he interacts with the little girl at church (my church baby) and it melts my heart. He’s a good kid and he would be a wonderful big brother. I told him we have to get him settled first and then we could think about adding a little one to the family. Doesn’t that sound wonderful? Family, our family, my family, me and Primero. I don’t think I could be any happier. Finally, after five long years, I get to join the Mommy Club. Did I ever think that would happen with a teenager? No, I did not. But, there is something special about this kid and I couldn’t be happier to get the opportunity to call him my son. The way our journey has gone can only be described as directed by the mighty  Hand of God. There is no other way for me to explain how we got to this point. I had prayed to God that after the last placement had left my house my next placement would be my child and I asked for the process to be insanely simple. My next placement will now be my child and, although things are not done yet, it’s been pretty smooth sailing. It was meant to be, what else can I say? 

 

CHOR is happy they found a good home for Primero. He is happy he gets to stay in a home he loves and where he is loved. I am happy because I finally get to be a real mom, no strings attached. But, our little bubble of happiness will soon have to reveal itself to the world and I’m praying it won’t be popped. Reaction from the people I have spoken to so far has been hesitant. I kind of get the “Really?” reaction; really, a teenage boy and not a baby? Who can blame them? For five long years I have been aching for a baby to fill my arms and yet here I am about to adopt a teenager. I guess that doesn’t make much sense. But, I’m happy with the decision, I’m happy with what is happening and why shouldn’t giving a young man a home be a good thing? Don’t burst my bubble, let me revel in this! Because Lord knows I have spent way too much time wallowing in self-pity, thinking I would never get this chance! Really, a teenager? You don’t think I know he’s a teenager? If I’m ok with it (and I’m more than ok with it) why shouldn’t you be? Just because he’s not in diapers does not mean he shouldn’t be in a family that loves him and wants him. He is mine, I am his and that is all that matters. The only regret I have is that we didn’t get to meet sooner so I would have longer to love him.