Legacy of Brokenness

I spoke with Hermano more than a few times on Monday. His case worker never called him. He tried to call and talk to her or her supervisor but was put through to her voicemail and she never returned the call. I know they are busy, but if a kid is calling with a problem, I think they should make it a priority to call the kids back. Hermano felt like his only option was to run away from his foster home, which I encouraged him not to do. He stopped responding to my text yesterday and today, but Primero was in touch with him and his girlfriend, so I know he’s still with the foster family.

 

Ah, the girlfriend. There was a whole big to-do on Facebook because Primero and I commented on a post of Hermano kissing her pregnant belly and asking people to like it if they thought it was cute. Primero admonished Hermano to grow up a little first before taking on the role of “daddy” and I said I didn’t think babies having babies was cute. This resulted in Hermano being hurt and upset with us (how couldn’t we understand that this flavor-of-the-week chick made him so, so happy?) and the girls older sister sending me a message through Facebook saying I hurt her sisters feelings with what I said. The girlfriend contacted Primero last night stating she doesn’t know why we don’t like her, she makes his brother happy and she was nothing but nice to us. Please! She didn’t say two words to me the whole time she was in my house and no “thank you” for the ride to and from my place either. I didn’t really have much of an opinion of her before but now I don’t like her and she is not welcome back at my house.

 

How on earth do you stop this mentality? This kid can’t just be by himself to get himself healthy, he keeps seeking out a girlfriend and not always the nice girls, either. Sure, some of it is just teenage angst. But, he goes way overboard with it (in my opinion) and posts too freely to Facebook. I surmise that he is trying to fill the hole in his life where his mother and family should be, but how do I convince him of that? I encouraged him to think of his future, to think before he acts and to take care of himself first. But, I’m just some random adult blah-blah-blahing in his ears. I wish I could reach him and teach him how to have a more healthy life-style regarding his love life. I call it the ghetto mentality, but I don’t mean that to be derogatory, although I suppose that’s how it sounds. I just see this bouncing from one chick to another indicative of the broken relationships that feed the impoverished status of so many people in our city and can lead to other ills, such as addiction, crime and domestic abuse. I’m not saying I believe a teenager should have a long term relationship but he’s not just cutesy dating like Primero (kisses, hugs, long text’s over the phone), he’s having a sexual relationship with these girls. There’s already been a pregnancy scare and yet he seems hell-bent on being a baby daddy and flitting from one girl/woman to the next. And I’m sure he sees nothing wrong with it, since his mother was one of those chicas – multiple babies with different baby daddies. It’s a legacy of brokenness and how can I undo it? I guess the answer is that I can’t. I can only pray that God will touch his heart and use me to provide guidance to show him how to change. Mostly, it will up to Hermano to make healthier decisions for his life and for his future.   

 

In other news, Primero informed me last night that his girlfriend was still pregnant. She did not have the abortion yet and she hasn’t told her parents she is pregnant. By my rough calculations she is about three quarters of the way through her first trimester so the clock is ticking for her to make a decision before the decision will be made for her. Primero’s friend at the CFA (Center for the Arts) is contemplating writing a letter to the girl’s parents letting them know she’s knocked up and Primero said if she decides to keep the baby he’s going to break up with her. I won’t say I’m sorry to hear that because really, I’m not. I didn’t like him being with her ever since I heard about her accidental pregnancy from her previous boyfriend. These teenagers have got my head spinning with all this baby drama! Teen pregnancy is supposedly on the decline and has been for years, yet in my personal experience, it’s all I see! Maybe it’s just this town and the screwed up morals that pervade the family unit here. All of the foster children I have had in my care have come from single mothers with multiple baby daddies. There is no family cohesion, no sense of responsibility, no moral code whatsoever. I want so much for these boys to break the cycle of brokenness in their family. Every time the subject comes up I ask them to assess their family life growing up and if they would want the same thing for their own children – do they want to be the kind of father they had in their lives? I truly hope they can see things differently, that they can find one special woman and settle down with her and raise children together, as a family. I don’t want them to be the hit-it-and-quit-it kind of young men that are prevalent in this town. But, I’m at a loss on how to instill these values to children whom I have only known for a very short period of time. What kind of difference can I make when they will be grown in a few short years? I can only hope and pray my words don’t fall on deaf ears and that I can have some minimal impact to instill a healthier family life for their future.