Underlying Tensions

We had a busy weekend, spending nearly the entire day Saturday at an audition for Primero and Sunday baking Christmas cookies with my family after church. Things were so-so between me and me and Primero, but there was (and still is) and underlying tension, something that quickly bubbles to the surface if the wrong words are spoken. Primero is of a mind that things should just be back to normal, that I should be over the whole incident and life should continue as it was. But, wounds don’t heal that quickly and trust is not repaired with a simple “I’m sorry.”

Last night Primero had a special holiday event for his after school Glee and Pride programs. During the day I had spoken to his therapist and told her my version of what happened last week. She wanted to see Primero last night to help guide him and us through this issue. So, we went after the holiday presentation. But, the tensions were already elevated because Primero wanted me to meet his friend’s mom so that I would approve of him sleeping over at this friend’s house. Honestly, I don’t know if I would ever be comfortable with him sleeping over at this friend’s house just because of the things he tells me this friend says and does. I’m not comfortable with it and meeting the mother once does not really give me a sense of how much adult supervision there would be if he slept over. So, on our short drive to the therapist’s office at CHOR, I told Primero that there was consideration for him to have therapy weekly again and that agitated him even more. When I asked if he has his Glee and Pride programs next week, since there isn’t school, he said he did. I asked him how he would get there and he said, “You. Or I could walk” and I responded, “No, there’s no way you’re walking because I don’t trust you.” And he blew up. When we pulled into the parking lot he stormed off into the office, leaving me and the two little ones to stumble along in his wake.

Primero met with his therapist alone for roughly 45 minutes while I sat in a different room with the little ones. His therapist came back to talk to me afterwards and during our discussion she mentioned that therapy sessions could only resume a weekly schedule if Primero was on board with that decision. That kind of pissed me off because Primero doesn’t think he should be in therapy at all. And, the most important thing to him, above school, above family, above therapy is his after school programs and the friends he has there. Of course he would never consent to additional counseling, even if we are going through a rough patch and need help to get through it. Way to give the reigns to a teenager who already thinks he runs things. Yes, that’s what I think about Primero. I’ve been entirely too lenient with him, which is evident in how he acted last week. I thought he could be trusted to have some freedom to do things on his own, but clearly I was mistaken. To let the ultimate decision regarding therapy fall to him at this juncture, is a mistake in my mind. He has no compelling reason to refuse, his session are only 45 minutes and would only affect his attendance minimally for a few weeks. But, like so many things, I have to just let go of what I think and believe to be best to acquiesce to the decision made by powers that be. The plans are for Primero and I to have our very first conjoined session next Monday.

Primero had calmed down a little after the therapy session but didn’t really speak to me while we went grocery shopping and returned home to put the little ones to bed. He only talked to me after he took a shower. I contemplated asking for him to be in respite for a night over the weekend, thinking perhaps we needed some time apart to get some perspective. I don’t know, I still might ask about it. Primero’s case worker is trying get a meeting set up between the county case worker, the therapist, Primero, his bio mom, and me to make sure everyone is on the same page regarding contact between Primero and his bio mom. I think it would be a good thing to have everyone understand the expectations and to hear them all together – it would hopefully get everyone on the same page.

 
While the issue with Primero has been sucking up most of my time and energy, there are things happening with the other children as well. As far as I know, Hermano has court tomorrow. He thinks he will be moving back home with his mother soon because he was told that his case was unfounded and he insists his county case worker lied (she said he had been on the run for two weeks when it was only 8 days or something trivial like that). I don’t t know what will happen. I don’t know if he will be sent home or kept in care. And I still haven’t heard about his visiting us for Christmas. I’m really hoping the other foster family is willing to help with the transportation, since it’s even father for me to go now. We shall see. The baby’s older sister is moving foster homes again; her 4^th home this year. And it seems like she might be leaving CHOR, so I’m not sure what that means for her visits and whatnot. The children are supposed to have a visit with their grandmother this Sunday and I asked if I was going to be taking the older girl as I have done in the past. Her case worker said she’s not sure, since she might be moved by then. It’s a shame that this poor kid has to keep bouncing around, but I know it’s hard to stop the moves once they start. Hopefully things will work out for her. When I picked her up last Tuesday for her visit she was asking me if she could come stay with me and her sister. I told her I didn’t have space and she said, “How about just 10 days?” Oy vey! All the kids in my house have been transferred to Primero’s case worker, rather than have three different case workers traipsing through the house. This Thursday the “new” case worker is coming out to meet the children and bringing the county case worker for a planning meeting. We’ll see how things go and if they actually plan to have court next week, as is scheduled. There is certainly a lot going on, plenty to try to keep track of! And I still have to finish my Christmas shopping! Yikes bikes!