And, as if the above story isn’t enough for one week, I have
two black and blue marks on my thigh from Chica Marie kicking me. This was from
Tuesday night. I went to pick her up after her visit and she came running
outside to me. I ushered her back inside so I could collect their things and
wrangle Love Bug into his car seat. As I stepped inside with Chica Marie, her
sister and her sister’s case worker went out onto the porch and it seemed like their
mom wanted to talk to the two of them. I tried to keep Chica Marie inside and the
CHOR case worker opened the door to the little waiting room for me to escort
her inside and keep her contained. Chica Marie’s behavior escalated from
whining to a full-out temper tantrum in a second. She threw herself onto the
floor and began kicking me, thus the bruises from where she hit me with the
heel of her shoes. I was holding the baby and trying to tug their things inside
so the case worker could close the door. Chica Marie proceeded to kick and
scream for approximately 15 minutes. At first I ignored her and any time I
tried to talk to her she would scream louder and kick the door and floor
harder. Love Bug began fussing, so I scooped him back out of his car seat and
sat down to begin reading him a book. Chica Marie screamed, so I read louder
with over-emphasized excitement and embellishment and eventually she stopped screaming
and came over to see the book. She then climbed on my lap and wrapped her arms
tightly around my neck. Once she started talking normally, I asked her to put
her shoes back on so we could leave. Living with her lately has been
challenging. It’s hard to tell what will set off one of these massive tantrums
and even harder to stop one once they’ve started. I feel like we are all barely
surviving this week! Luckily last night’s visit did not result in the same
reaction.
As we were driving to the farm, Chica Marie told me she
hated her mother and that she wasn’t going to talk to her anymore. She would
only talk to her sister, me, Love Bug, and Primero. When I asked her why she
would say such an unkind thing about her mother, she said it was because her
mom was mean to her and her sister. Of course, when I won’t let her eat candy
for dinner, I am mean, so I’m not sure she has the vocabulary to say what she
really wants to say. It did sound like her words were one’s used by her sister
and she actually said “we” hate our mom, so I wonder if it’s mostly just her
feeding off of her sister’s attitude. I don’t know. I do know it is sad. The
other thing she said was that she wanted to go live with her grandmother.
Again, I think this is coming from her sister, since the grandmother did try to
get the sister to be able to live with her (and that might still be the option
on the table as their case moves towards adoption). We haven’t had a visit with
the grandmother since the beginning of January, so I really don’t know what her
thoughts are on the matter. I’m sure, since she expressed an interest in
adopting the older sister, the county would consider her before seeking a
non-related family.
I found out Tuesday morning that the little ones’ case has
officially been handed off to an adoption case worker at CYS. It just so
happens that they were assigned to the same adoption case worker that Primero
has – how convenient! We still have several months to go before court in July,
so I’m sure that will give the new county case worker and opportunity to get to
know their bio mom and get up-to-speed on the case. Since December we have gone
from three CHOR case workers and two county case workers, to just one of each.
It does make life a little more simple this way!
I have begun planning Love Bug’s first birthday party. I’m
going with a pirate theme because he was a pirate for Halloween and because he
says “Ayeeee!” a lot. And, because I think it will be super-cute! I tried to
involve my mom in the planning and she said, “like he’ll remember anyway.”
Sigh. She’s still dealing with a lot concerning her health and the medication
she is on (and will be on for the next 5 years) seems to mess with her
emotions. When I saw her last night she told me that she just “can’t get close
to any of these kids” after “losing two little boys in a row.” I could kick
myself for not saying, “Well, you can get as close as you want to Primero, he’s
not going anywhere.” Sigh. When I indicated that the little ones’ case is
moving towards adoption her response was, “well, you can’t take her too” meaning
Chica Marie. I changed the subject and didn’t respond to what she said. I
already know her response, “[My name], what will you do with all these kids?”
- like I have 15 kids instead of three. I
know my mother is thinking purely from a financial standpoint that I can’t
handle three kids. What she doesn’t know is that there is financial help
involved. Do I struggle? Yes, thanks to Flaco leaving me high and dry. But, I’m
not destitute and I can keep a roof over our heads and food in our tummy’s. I
guess I just have to forge ahead and hope my mom can find it in her heart to
get close to these children since they will most likely be her only
grandchildren……
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