Sister Visit

We had another busy weekend this past weekend. We had Primero’s older sister staying with us for a visit. Initially we had planned to just spend the day with her on Saturday, but we ended up picking her up Friday night and then took her home Sunday afternoon. Saturday we first had to take Primero and Chica Marie to get blood drawn, although the test they wanted to do for Primero couldn’t be done on a Saturday. And Chica Marie screams like a banshee when getting blood drawn, which is always fun. We were fortunate to have Primero’s older sister there to occupy Love Bug so Primero and I could hold Chica Marie down. After fun times at the lab we took Chica Marie to therapy then went to the mall where I got some more clothing for the kids and had them take an anti-theft sensor off of a previous purchased dress for Chica Marie. Primero and his sister wanted to walk around the mall but we had such limited time before we had to be back to pick Chica Marie up from therapy.

This Saturday therapy thing is beyond old at this point. It eats into our day so that it’s hard to plan around it. Her mom is almost never on time, so we waste time sitting and waiting for her for 15, 20, 30 minutes. During that time I talk to her sister’s foster family. This past Saturday I had to hear all about the last visit – the one where I quickly escaped with Chica Marie while the conversation got heated. The foster mom and her adult daughter told me their side of things and how unreasonable the mom was and how the girl tells lies. After the therapy the mom was waiting with Chica Marie and I then heard her side of the story and about how much she dislikes this family and wants her daughter to be with her mom (the grandmother) or she won’t speak to anyone in the family ever again. When the mom was telling me these things I thought to myself, “I wonder if this is what it feels like to be a case worker?” The foster family was telling me how much they wished the visits could be cancelled altogether and how different the girl would be if her mom would just let her be a child. I heard both sides of how the girl put a plastic bag over her head to kill herself. I heard the mom telling me how they tried to take her visits from her at court and she won’t stop fighting, she won’t give up on her kids. Oh how badly I wanted to tell her she could get her kids back if only she would play by their rules and comply to the things they require of her! But, I kept my mouth shut. I listened – again. I feel bad for both sides. I know how abrasive the mom can be and how she tries to get in your face and intimidate you. She did that to me too in the beginning. I know how troubled the older sister is and how she will say anything to get what she wants. I know how tied she is to her mom and also how much she resents her mother. I feel bad for the bio mom, struggling with so many issues that seem impossible to overcome. I too hope the grandmother can take the older girl so she won’t have to be bouncing all over from foster home to foster home. I’m glad that Chica Marie and Love Bug have had some consistency and stability in their lives.

After therapy we went to a local orchard for a tasting event, which was nice but it was crowded and the older kids kept wandering off leaving me to push the stroller while holding the baby because of course he woke up and refused to stay in the stroller. The day had gotten quite hot so we decided to go swimming at the local pool. Thankfully, the local pool is open this year. Last year it was closed due to needing some massive renovations. Last year we took Love Bug to the pool but I never took him into the pool because he was so tiny. So, this was his first time at the pool and he seemed to like it. At first he seemed scared but after a little bit he got used to it. He never cried, even when Primero dunked him. When I sat on the edge of the pool with him he really liked splashing in the water, like he does the bath tub. Chica Marie was terrified of the pool last year but she got in on her own later in the day. She would hang onto the stairs and dip herself in. Primero threw her into the pool and she freaked out, but she did let us hold her and pass her around, so I think with time she will like the pool a lot more.

Sunday afternoon we took Primero’s sister back home and Primero asked me, “How would it work for my sister to move in with us?” Um what? He played it off, like maybe sometime far into the future she could move in with us and he wanted to know how that could happen. I said as long as I have children in the home in foster care, the county and CHOR would need to be notified and she would have to get her background check and clearances. I said the other issue would be space, since the only viable area for her would be in his bedroom. He was ok with this idea, but I don’t know how keen his sister would be on sharing a room with her teenage brother. His sister turned 18 in March and still doesn’t have much freedom in the home she is living in currently. She is not allowed to get her driver’s license or find a job. She will be in high school next year, due to being held back from missing a lot of school so she feels obligated to stay with the family she is with, but the rules are very strict for her. The woman she lives with is not technically related to them, but they call her their aunt. She has a bunch of kids and I thought she was married, but she is not. I’ve spoken with her a few times and she’s ok, but I get the sense that she is very controlling and thinks she’s better than everyone, especially the kids mother. So, I’m not her biggest fan, but I think she does the best she can. Hopefully his sister can hang in there for one more year and then find her own place and gain her freedom.

Speaking of freedom, I was notified at lunch today that Primero’s mother was release from jail. We were expecting this, since Primero ran into her boyfriend in town last week and the boyfriend told him she would be released to rehab soon. I asked Primero what this means to him and he said nothing. I said it meant something last time and that’s when we started having all kinds of trouble, but he denies that his mother popping back into the picture had anything to do with it. I was sort of hoping she would stay in until the adoption, but no such luck. I do wish her well and hope she can make it work this time. I know it’s hard on Primero to see her going in and out of jail, even if he denies it. I asked him if he wanted to try to see her and he indicated that she would most likely be in rehab somewhere far away. It makes sense to get her away from all the trouble she finds in town and hopefully she can keep that same idea going if she does come back to town.

We are now in June and I have to really start working on getting things nailed down for Love Bug’s party. Right now the guest list is hovering around 20 people but there are a bunch more who have not yet responded. I have one maybe and one no (she’s scheduled for a C-section the day before!). I need to figure out the food for the party and order the cake. I simply can’t believe this tiny baby has grown so much and so quickly! I’m looking forward to his party but really think I might cry.