I don’t know what it is about this time of year that seems
to generate so much drama, but just as last year this time, we’re in the thick
of things. It all stems from Hermano and his girlfriend. While the county has
said Hermano cannot see his girlfriend, they have managed to still see one
another on a weekly basis. She drives to where Hermano visits with his mother
and then, instead of seeing his mom, he spends time with his girlfriend, drives
her car around (he doesn’t have a license) and does “other” things with her.
She came to his uncle’s place on Christmas and I got in trouble for “letting”
him see her - I guess I was supposed to
throw her out of someone else’s house? Or rudely leave and cut the (very nice)
Christmas visit short? Anyway, after getting chewed out by the county case
worker and discovering how upset his foster parents were, overnight visits with
us have been suspended and I found out other information that has me steaming
mad at Hermano. He lied to me and manipulated me and disrespected me in my own
home. And his girlfriend was just as culpable. So, I told them about themselves
and how mad I was. My conversation with the girlfriend (via text messages)
actually turned out ok. Unfortunately, I mentioned to her that Hermano has been
trying to have a baby for a long time now (which is true!) and that had him so
pissed off he was refusing to talk to me. Sigh. It wasn’t the nicest thing to
say, even if it was true, but he certainly didn’t handle it with any measure of
maturity. Emotions are running high due to the fact that his girlfriend is confirmed
pregnant and of course the county and the foster parents are scrambling to figure
out the next steps and how to handle this situation. Primero was angry with me
for what I said about his brother (I think he was just looking to be angry for
any reason last night) and Esperanza was frustrated with her brother but also
concerned that he might try to run away again because he felt everyone was
against him. I’m sure he is getting a lot of flak from his case workers and
foster parents and I didn’t mean to add to that, but I was very angry about
being lied to and so it just slipped out. My mouth always gets me into trouble.
I apologized and he accepted by apology, so hopefully things will slowly mend.
I offered to go through my baby paraphernalia to see what I could loan out or give
to him and his girlfriend for the baby. I will also go through baby clothes I
have once they know the baby’s gender. Babies having babies, ugh!
I keep telling myself I need to stay out of this, really I
do. Hermano is not my foster son. But….. But, he’s family. Through extension of
Primero, Hermano is family to me now. I don’t make it a point to turn my back
on my family. Besides, by virtue of communicating with both Hermano and his
girlfriend, I’m involved. I wish I always did and said the right thing, but
that would require a grace I simply don’t possess. I get mouthy. And bitchy. And
then, after I’ve said my peace, I calm down, re-think the situation and end up
apologizing most of the time. Part of me wants to run screaming from all of
this – that part that still regrets infertility and never knowing the feel of a
baby growing inside of me. Part of me wants to withhold assistance because I’m
not in agreement with what has happened – these kids are not ready, it’s not a
good idea at all. I think these are the snarky, mouthy parts of me that come
out when I’m angry or scared. When I calm down I find that more rational side
of me who says, “Look, this thing has already happened, right? And, so you
might be opposed to it (the pregnancy) but who are you hurting when you refuse to
help? You not helping is not undoing the thing, it is only hurting the baby,
who is totally innocent, and the kids who might really be scared and need to
rely on a seasoned adult they can trust – like you.” Sometimes I hate that
rational part simply because she’s right. And let’s not forget the little green
monster of jealousy sneaking into the picture too. Some irresponsible kids are
having a baby, something my adult body just couldn’t figure out?!?! But, let’s
not go there. I’ve committed my help by way of contributing baby things and
allowing them to tell me their future plans for the baby. They understand I’m
not crazy over the idea of teen pregnancy, but they can rely on me to do what I
can to be supportive. I feel like it’s a fine line to walk but as time wears on
I get better at walking it. At least, I hope I do……
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