I feel like this post has been a long time coming. It’s
something I’ve mentioned before but not something I’ve point-blank addressed
with my own personal feelings on the matter. It is a hot-button issue and as a
rule, I tend to steer clear of such things because the sea of pro and con
voices seem never-ending and well, sometimes there just isn’t a “right” answer.
I mean, none of us are God, not even those who profess to be the mouthpiece of
God have the ultimate authority. So, we can debate things until we are blue in
the face but the fact of the matter remains, as fallible humans we don’t have
all of the answers.
For a while now I have struggled with my own personal views
regarding homosexuality (I’m not going to get into the gender conversation
because this is still something I’m “sitting” with). As Christians we are taught
it is a sin, often times referred to as an abomination. When I was younger, I
believed that. And, honestly, I probably never would have given it much more
thought until my son came into my life. He identifies as bi-sexual. When I
first met him he told me he was totally straight but that everyone assumed he
was gay because he was “flamboyant.” As I got to know him he slowly began
exploring his feelings about sexuality (which, was very age-appropriate for him
to do since he was 14 at the time) and he slowly began to reveal his attraction
to other boys. Part of it was him exploring how he felt about it and part of it
was exploring how I accepted the news and treated him. He mentioned some
painful stories of how family members (including his mother) had mistreated him
in the past because he wasn’t “manly” enough or enjoyed doing “girly” things
like straightening his hair. Although he has recently re-written history a bit
to say the first person he “came out” to was his cousin (he once told her he
thought he might like boys and she said, “it’s ok, you do you.”), in reality I
was the first person he told he was bi-sexual.
In our conversations I never hid my confliction regarding
homosexuality (or bi-sexuality) as a Christian. But, I also never belittled gay
people and told him many times his sexuality had nothing to do with how much I
loved him because that would be putting a condition on my love when my love is
unconditional. When it became clear that my son’s sexuality would not be
compatible with my church we moved to a different church. My son did not
deserve to be called “fruity” nor should he be treated as an “other” because he
wasn’t someone’s definition of a teenage boy. I’m not going to lie and say I’m
100% comfortable with homosexuality and same-sex marriage (and please don’t
beat me up about this because I’m being honest – I also don’t love tattoo’s and
really dislike body disfiguring, things like split tongues or ear gages – beat me
up about that instead!). I don’t mean to say I am against individuals seeking
to marry someone of their same sex and I would NEVER discourage my son from
dating or even marrying a man, I’m just confessing it isn’t something that I
find comfortable. But, my comfort doesn’t matter. And that’s why I would never
tell my son who he can or can’t love. I am honestly, more concerned about the
morality of cheating or sleeping around than who he might be doing that with.
And by that I mean, my son incessantly flirts with boys while dating a girl.
And I don’t think that’s fair to her. I asked him to think about how he would
feel if she were doing the same thing and I discourage him to cheat on his
girlfriend, because cheating is cheating even if it’s with the same sex. But, I
digress.
My point is I love my son unconditionally. And that means I
love him as a bi-sexual young man who might someday be romantically involved
with another young man. I bring this up now because our pastor announced at
church on Sunday that in this coming year he will be defining the church’s
stance and policy on things like sexuality, gender, and marriage. And I can
guess what’s coming. I don’t like this feeling of dread that has come over me
because I’m going to be forced to make a choice – do we stay in this church or
do we move on (again)? How do I justify my faith with my love for my son and
how is it fair that anyone ask me to do so? I’ve read both sides of the
argument, in regards to homosexuality in the Bible. I’m not thoroughly
convinced either way. What I know is clearly Jesus instructed all His followers
to love their neighbors and he didn’t put any qualifiers on that, such as love
thy neighbors, unless they are gay. And, if homosexuality is a sin, well aren’t
we all sinners? “For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God”
Romans 3:23. We profess our need for a Savior by confessing our sins. And that’s
for every single human being to do personally from Mother Teresa to Adolf
Hitler.
So, I might not agree with or feel comfortable with certain
life-styles or life choices but it is not for me to judge other people. I’m not
saying I don’t think there is an absolute right and wrong, because there is,
but I also know that life is full of gray areas. And in those gray areas there
might not be an absolute right or wrong. Or maybe I’m just not smart enough to
make it all make sense. Regardless of my personal opinions, every single human
being deserves to be treated respectfully. I might not go out of my way to
encourage same sex marriage, but I certainly wouldn’t wish anyone any ill will if
that is a choice they make. If my son decides to marry a man I will most certainly
participate and be happy for him on his big day – I wouldn’t miss it for the
world! I worry about being labeled a “lukewarm” Christian and risk being
ostracized from some of my Christian friends, but so be it. Mostly, I just feel
stuck in the middle, wishing we could all just get along. I don’t know what
might happen after the coming sermons on marriage, sexuality and gender. It’s
hard enough to get Primero to attend church, let alone feeling like he’s
unwanted. I’ve contemplated talking to the pastor before the sermons are
presented, in hopes he would have some compassion and express things
delicately. I might sound heretical just asking that he be lenient. I wish I
could talk to other Christian’s about this feely, without feeling judged. I
wish I didn’t feel conflicted, mostly for my son’s sake because I don’t want
him to ever feel I’m disappointed in him or wish he were different in any way
(ok, well maybe a little less mouthy…) because I love him just as he is. Surely,
that can’t be wrong!
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