Time

Primero lived with me for 650 days before he was adopted. He spent a total of 891 days in foster care. Love Bug has been with me for 578 days. He will hit Primero’s 650 day mark on April 10^th and 891 days in care for Love Bug would be December 7, 2016. For Chica Marie, she has been with me for 544 days. On May 13^th she will be with me for 650 days. But, like Primero, she lived with a different foster home before she moved in with me. I’m not sure of the exact date when she came into care, but sometime around June 11,2016 she will hit 891 days. When we had court in December and it seemed like things were moving towards TPR, the CHOR case worker whispered to me she hoped the children would be adopted before the next court date in May. I flat out told her I held no such hope (and still don’t since we’re in the final days of January and, as far as I know, nothing has happened with TPR or anything else). So, if it felt like things took forever for Primero to reach finalization, I’m sure it will feel like an eternity for the little ones to get there. I wouldn’t be surprised if Love Bug beat Primero’s 891 days which would mean an adoption sometime the end of this year. I feel fairly confident that Chica Marie will surpass 891 days in foster care. If December is their adoption date it would mean she has spent all but half of her life in foster care. She had just turned 3 when she and Mini Momma came into care and in December 2016 she will be 6 years old. For Love Bug, he will have spent the first 2 ½ years of his life in foster care. It makes me sad and angry that so much time passes with children in limbo. Of course I understand the reason and how steps must be taken to ensure the children’s biological parents get every opportunity to work their case plan and regain custody of their children, but from the side of the child, that doesn’t make it suck any less. This is the imperfection of the system. Sure, in an ideal world, no parent would need more than 15 of the last 22 months to work their given plan for reunification. But, that’s not how things work. Honestly, the steps towards TPR should have begun in June when the county decided and the judge agreed to suspend visits. While on the surface that might seem like a very minor thing, in reality it is HUGE! Visits with parents are taken very seriously in foster care and, because it is not only a right but also proven to be beneficial in reunification, it isn’t easy to convince courts to stop visits. The fact that this case languished from July until December with (seemingly – because of course things could be going on behind the scenes without me knowing) no movement or change in plans is preposterous. Granted, I was more wrapped up in completing all the steps and paperwork for Primero’s adoption, but regardless the little one’s should not have to keep waiting for “something” to happen in their case! We are supposed to have a planning meeting in February for the little ones. Our new case worker just set it up with me last night. And, although we picked a date and time, it will hinge upon the other players invited to the meeting, like their mother, the county case worker, and the CHOR supervisor. I find that often times the planning meetings turn into just me and the case worker with the county worker either phoning in or following up with an email. The last planning meeting I had was for Love Bug with his initial case worker (that’s 4 case workers ago!) and the previous county worker when I revealed from the grandmother that she thought their mom was pregnant again. (here) (and here) So, you can see how long ago that was! In any event, I do hope the planning meeting happens and that some updates are given in regards to their case. I’m also curious to know when (if?) Mini Momma will be moving with their grandmother so I can contact her for visits and not the foster mom. It’s not that I don’t like the foster mom but I feel like asking for visits is such a burden for her, even though I’m the one taking on an extra child and I pick her up and drop her off for the visit. I’ve been thinking about when we could have a visit again but I’ve been hesitant to contact the foster mom for fear I’ll get an earful on her behaviors again. Sigh.

 

In other news, my grandfather is in the hospital again. My dad had to all but rent a dog sled team to get him from the farm to the hospital following the blizzard on Sunday. They were in my uncle’s pick-up truck and got stuck next to the state plow trucks, but were fortunate enough to be near a neighboring farm with a tractor and chains to pull them out. The harrowing journey continued with much sliding and risk of getting stuck on the snow-covered roads, but they did eventually make it to the hospital. My grandfather was suffering from a severe bladder infection that the antibiotics weren’t able to eradicate. He was admitted to the hospital with severe dehydration in addition to the bladder infection. My mom called me yesterday warning me things were not looking good, that there was talk of surgery to replace a stent in his bladder and add shunts to his kidneys and give him a feeding tube because he refused to eat. When I spoke to my dad about it later he said my grandmother asked him and my uncle for their opinion and my dad felt it was important to ask my grandfather. My grandfather suffered a stroke right before Christmas and a second, greater stroke while visiting my cousin in Florida right after the new year. The first stroke left him with some weakness in his left side that was slowly improving (he’s left-handed, so that was hard for him). The second stroke affected his cognition and memory. He couldn’t remember who anyone was except for my grandmother. When I went to visit him in the hospital last night he remembered me. I don’t think he could have placed my name (my grandmother told him my name) but he recognized me. His speech is slurred and hard to understand most of the time, but he can answer yes and no questions and he said twice, “I love you” to me. We cried together and I hugged him and held his hand until he was calm and fell back asleep. I worry about my grandmother, who is 4 years his senior but as strong as an ox. Her heart doctor told her she’ll live to be 100 because her heart is nearly as strong as her will. My grandmother, who has been married to my grandfather for over 61 years (!!!!), sleeps on a chair in his room and only goes home for a few hours to shower and replenish her food stash. She doesn’t like to leave his side, which has been the same for all these years that he’s been unwell. My grandmother has always been my grandfather’s rock. I worry about her because she is emptying so much of herself into my grandfather that I worry she won’t have anything left for herself. I plan on returning to visit again this evening and I want to take her some homemade chicken noodle soup. As far as the decision for surgery, that’s been postponed once the hospital staff spoke to the doctor who put the initial shunt in place. The feeding tube has also been declined as my father feels this is not something my grandfather would want and with the antibiotics finally helping fight the infection, it’s not needed. There is hope that my grandfather will be able to defeat the infection and return home to continue recuperating. I was glad things weren’t as dire in the evening as they seemed in the morning.