Fly-by Visit

The wedding meeting went better than I thought it would. Everyone was civil and some ideas were batted around. I don’t think my mom will be satiated, but at least I know I tried. Nothing has been totally decided yet, but we will be going to a tea room this weekend to see if this would be better than the winery already selected. The major problems with the winery are the location being far for my mom and other relatives in the northern part of the county and the inconvenient time, since they don’t host parties until the winery closes at 6 pm. The excursion to the tea room means I have to find child care this Saturday and spend more time with everyone trying to be on their best behaviors. I’m looking forward to the end of this planning and wedding drama. There has been a lot of it going on, especially between my mom and sister, and I always shoved in the middle of it. I try my best to buffer what I can, but lately I’ve been feeling like my mom has been trying to manipulate me into fighting with my sister. She has made several of the same comments that she attributes to my sister and I don’t know if they are true comments or if they are things implied or twisted to fit for the occasion. Thus far I’ve been accused of being too fat to be in the wedding and that I’m not doing enough to help my sister and she doesn’t think I care about the wedding. Truth or fiction, I do not know, but it hurts to hear it repeatedly nonetheless.

 

Primero was visiting with his uncle this past weekend and while looking at pictures they discovered a baby picture of Primero they didn’t realize they had. Primero took a picture with his phone and showed it to me. His face was beet red and his little mouth was clamped shut in a somber scowl. His hands were framing his head and covered in what appeared to be a crocheted onsie with a matching hat. His dark eyes stared at the camera and, to me, it appeared he was not a happy camper at the moment. Primero also showed me a few other pictures of him as a young boy where he was more pudgy. Primero had been upset during his child prep that there were no baby pictures of him found. The earliest picture was one taken in second grade. I said I would have to ask his aunt and uncle if we could borrow the picture to make a copy so we could have one of him as a baby. It was such a great find and I know it pleases Primero to have that picture of himself.

 

On Sunday Chica Marie’s grandmother called me. We had talked about getting together on Palm Sunday (well, initially I had asked about Good Friday, but that day didn’t work for her) but I hadn’t heard anything so I thought perhaps her plans had changed. She called me while the little ones were sleeping and Primero was with his uncle. She said her daughter would be bringing Mini Momma back to her foster parents place and asked if they could stop in to see us. I agreed and text her my address and a few hours later the aunt (who I’ve met just once before) showed up with her two kids and Mini Momma. Chica Marie immediately began acting up, insisting on being held by her older cousins, and talking nonsense baby talk because it made them laugh. Love Bug clung to me, wailed when I put him down or tried to allow a family member to hold him. He did blow them kisses good-bye and at the very end he let his male cousin hold him. But, when he was passed to his aunt and noticed she was closer to the door than  I was, he panicked and howled. Once the brief visit was over, Chica Marie promptly collapsed by the front door and cried. She said she wanted to live with them, she didn’t want to be “here” anymore. This isn’t the first time she has declared she wants to live somewhere else. And I’m not the first parent to hear a child would prefer another home to their own (usually because the parent is being “mean” by establishing rules or doling out punishments). I was sad because her reality is that her sister gets to live with their grandmother and she doesn’t. And I felt guilty because of my worry that I’m not enough for her (see this blog post about being selfish), that maybe she would truly be better off with a family member. I guess that is silly because A) I don’t feel that way about Love Bug B) it’s not really an option that has been presented and C) the grass always looks greener when you can only see a small patch of it. Still, with all the worries that Chica Marie causes and the difficulties she has, I find myself forever questioning if me alone is good enough for her. I want to keep her relationship with her family and I expressed how happy I was that aunt stopped by. I told the grandmother I wanted to try to see her and Mini Momma more regularly once Mini Momma is settled. No one really knows Love Bug because he’s been with me since birth and I want to give him the opportunity to know his family as he grows up. When the family first arrived and Love Bug was being shy, he had his head laid on my shoulder, as is his custom. I kissed him lightly on the forehead and combed my fingers through his hair, as is my customer and I caught the aunt watching us. I thought about how weird it must have been to see me with her nephew like that – him so scared of his family but so comforted by me. Love Bug is a momma’s boy, there’s no doubt about that. I try to encourage him to not be shy and he will warm up and interact with other people he doesn’t know too well, but he only wants to be held by me or Primero. Just as my relationship has grown with Primero’s aunt and uncle, it has been slowly growing with Chica Marie’s grandmother and other extended family. I hope it will continue and I hope we will be able to be more involved. Only time will tell.