Tonight will be our annual home evaluation for foster care. I
frantically cleaned the house yesterday but didn’t get it as clean as I would
have liked. Primero and I spent a great deal of time cleaning out the basement.
It felt good to get rid of the things cluttering the space and reorganize it to
be able to reach the things I need more consistently. We talked while we worked
and Primero told me stories of when he was naughty as a child. At one point he
exclaimed, exasperated at my inability to let go of an artifact from my
childhood, “Ugh! You have a lot of special things from the past!” He then
muttered that he had none. I remembered him showing me a box of little things
he had saved from his life before foster care. I knew each item held special
importance to him. I know he still has that box tucked away safely. It is the
only thing he has from his childhood; no toys, no special t-shirt, just a box
of slips of papers, small pictures, drawings and little nick-knack’s. I could
see why my ceramic Dumbo lamp that my mom made for me and had in my nursery
would upset him.
On our way to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription for
Chica Marie she declared out-of-the-blue she wanted to go home and have a mayonnaise
sandwich. Primero mentioned having to eat mayo sandwiches at times because they
had nothing else to eat in his house. It seems the day was full of memories for
him. After our second trip to Goodwill to drop off bags of donations, we
treated ourselves to dinner at McDonalds. While there, Primero told me about
something that happened to him in the past that just made my heart hurt for
him, for the little boy he was never able to be. Primero does such a good job
of hiding the past pain he has suffered, he doesn’t often let his mask slip to
reveal the hurting inside of him. When he wants to let it out, I try to just
listen. There isn’t anything I can say to undo the pain, nothing I can do to
take it all away and reminding him his present is without those hurts is obtuse
and without solace. So, I listen and say how sorry I am to know those things
happened to him. He used to share a lot, when he first moved in, but the
stories have slowed over the years. I’m glad he no longer has to eat mayonnaise
sandwiches and I hope he will always feel like he can share with me when he
needs to, when he feels those memories.
Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.
It's one of those things a person never thinks about: how the accumulation of those things grounds you and provides memories, and how there are so many people there who don't have that.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many things we take for granted, those special momentos from childhood, past rituals, etc. At one point in my life, I used to buy myself a silver ring to mark some moment that was special to me. Primero needs some mementos from the here and now, maybe?
ReplyDeleteMy heart hurts from this. I still have my favorite blanket and toys from childhood. They are special to me, but I've taken for granted that I have them. I'm sorry that doesn't have things like this. That his past is full of painful memories. Wondering with Mel and Deathstar is acquiring special mementos now would help offset.
ReplyDeleteI certainly hope Primero has recent mementos he can hang on to as he grows up. I don't think it's something that can be forced, there has to be real meaning attached. We reminisce sometimes about our joined experiences and that seems to help him feel more grounded. I feel like I walk a fine like with these things. When his adoption was being finalized last year I mentioned getting something special to mark the occasion and that seemed to upset him. He preferred going to see a movie together after the court hearing. Still, it is something I seek to do, to mark special occasions and give him some happy memories to think on as time marches ever forward.
ReplyDelete