Until Our Fate is Decided

I feel resigned to a fate I cannot control and am hopeless to change. I had to take the little ones in for court this morning. Well, not court, just for them to see their GAL (guardian ad litem) and the magistrate. I have been appealing to the professionals who work with the children, to write letters of recommendation that visits not be reinstated, but thus far I’m coming up empty-handed. It seems the professionals are being advised to not get involved, regardless of their professional opinion on the matter. One problem is that these professionals have not personally witnessed the reactions and regressions that occurred following visits. It seems we will have to do a bonding evaluation, which I believe is basically a mental health professional observing me alone with the kids and then their mother alone with the kids. It seems unfair, since Love Bug does not know her and will respond with trepidation, as he does will most strangers. Chica Marie might respond more positively, but then again, who knows with her.

 

While the county is opposed to reinstating visits, the burden of proof is upon them to argue why visits should (still) not occur. Their mother’s attorney does not have to argue why, after nearly 18 months, the visits should be reinstated. Because she still retains her parental rights, she still has the right to visits. And, as we all know, the parents’ rights always trump the rights of children. Her rights are supposed to be terminated in December, but the TPR meeting has moved to many times I have little faith it will actually occur. Even if it does occur, as the county case worker reminded me this morning, that doesn’t mean it’s over. There is an appeal process, which I’m sure their mom will take, and all of this takes time. As in months of time. While the children hang in limbo.

 

I am opposed to the courts reinstating visits, but I am not opposed to having visits. What I mean by that is, I feel like, if visits could occur like the one we had with Primero’s mother they might not be so hard on the kids. We picked her up and went the mall, had dinner and took her back home. We spent nearly the whole day together and it was (for the most part) a nice time. I could be wrong, but I feel if visits could happen the same way with the little one’s mom, maybe it wouldn’t be so traumatic for them. Chica Marie wants to see her mom, she has expressed that to me on more than one occasion. Yet, she has a lot of big feelings after those visits and those big feelings result in negative behaviors. I think too often the county and the law is all or nothing. I wish we could find a compromise that doesn’t jeopardize the positive momentum the children have made.

 

While we are talking about the law, how about The Adoption and Safe Families Act of 1997? You know, the one that “Requires that States move to terminate parental rights for children who have been in Foster Care for 15 out of the last 22 months” that law? Has the county not provided sufficient and ample opportunities for reunification? Is there a compelling reason TPR is not in the best interest of the children? I don’t know, I don’t have all the details. I’m just frustrated and wish I could do something to resolve this whole mess, but I can’t. I don’t have a say, I don’t have a voice. I still have to attend the permanency hearing next week and sit quietly as our fate is decided.