Odds and Ends

Here are some odds and ends that have been bouncing around in my head but haven’t made it here yet:

 

Last week I had to take Primero to see a neurologist for numbness in his elbow. We were referred by his pediatrician when we reported the numbness at his annual physical in February. The process to get the referral was a mess, but we persevered and finally had the appointment. Fortunately, everything is fine and since the numbness is localized, it should resolve on its own with no further intervention other than a daily massage. The doctor seemed very thorough and he definitely took his time with us. As is customary when meeting a doctor for the first time, he asked a lot of background medical questions. He asked about Primero’s birth weight and I shrugged nonchalantly and said, “I don’t know.” I think I read in his paperwork he weighed the average 6-7 pounds, but I honestly didn’t remember. The doctor sat and stared at me. Crickets chirruped and I shifted in my seat uneasily. He said in a measured tone, “You don’t know?” as if saying, “What kind of mother doesn’t remember her baby’s birth weight.” I sighed as I realized I would have to out myself. “Oh, well he’s adopted, so I didn’t give birth to him.” The doctor’s countenance changed to a more congenial look as he asked how long I have known Primero and then moved along to other information we could answer. I felt defeated. I hadn’t wanted to bring it up and make it a thing, but there it was again, the giant scarlet letter A – ADOPTED. I promised myself to commit all the information from his paperwork to memory, so I could answer these questions without having to proclaim how we are different from traditional/biological families.

 

Chica Marie and Love Bug are going for a visit with their grandmother this weekend. She contacted me last weekend asking for a visit. When I asked her what she had in mind, she asked to have them over, to give me a break. How could I say no to that? I expressed reservations before about Chica Marie spending the night, but I’m hoping a day visit will be a positive chance to interact. Primero expressed greater anxiety for this visit than I did initially. I had asked him if it would be ok with him, since this is his birthday weekend. He worried that Grandma was having secret visits with the little one’s mother and that was why Mini Momma acted strangely at our last visit. I told him I wasn’t worried about hidden rendezvous with their mom, I was a little worried about how much supervision the kids would have, but I have to let it go. I want the visit to be positive for everyone, so I have be positive about it. If Chica Marie acts up, I hope there is someone there to get her back on track and if not, we will work on behaviors when she gets home. I worry Love Bug will be upset and nervous being left somewhere he doesn’t know, but I have to believe he will be distracted by his sisters and others playing with him and keeping him occupied. I worry too much about uninitiated people watching the kids; people who are unfamiliar with foster care and trauma issues in kids. But, the grandmother has their older sister, so I am sure she has now been initiated and she stated she was up to the challenge of taking both the little ones for an afternoon, so I will just take this chance to get some down time. I really hope it all goes well!

 

This past weekend Primero reported to me that his mother’s boyfriend had been killed. I found information in the newspaper from the town in the county south of us and it said he had been shot in the head and his death was considered a homicide. We had met this boyfriend over the summer. I don’t know what happened, although police reports state the shooting wasn’t random, so I guess he knew whoever shot him. It is such a tragedy, he was young (only a few years older than me) and had a lot of life left to live. Primero’s mother is not taking this very well, calling Primero crying and lamenting being so far from family. I saw him watching a Facebook live post of her sobbing and wondering what she was going to do, how she was going to heal from this. Primero tried to get his uncle to talk to his mom, but last I heard his uncle didn’t want her to bring him down out of his happy space at the moment. His mom also reported to him her identity had been stolen and she had to make a new Facebook account. Her SSI check had also been taken, which is where she is guessing the person got her personal information to steal her identity. Primero does what he can to bolster his mom’s spirits and help her find the strength to move on. Just this morning he was telling me how he talked to her again and tried to convince her she was strong enough to overcome this and prove to her haters she was the strong woman she claims to be. I’m glad Primero is such a caring young man, who truly wants to help others, but it breaks my heart to hear him talking to a grown up like he’s the adult and they are the teenager. I hope his mother is able to heed his words of wisdom and find the strength to pull herself out of this apparent nose-dive. Primero recommended professional help and I hope she is able to find a wise and caring therapist to help her through the recent trauma and her past as well.

 

My dad text me this morning asking me to call him when I had a moment. I called him right away. I suspected why he had called me and I wasn’t wrong. My grandfather, who has been in ailing health for some time now, was told by his doctor yesterday that he doesn’t need to make any more follow up appointments. My dad describes it as my grandfather is tired and has given up. He is down to 105 pounds of skin and bones and doesn’t have any fight left in him. My dad wanted me to come see him as soon as I can because it certainly seems like the end is near. In our brief conversation I could hear my dad getting emotional. He ended our call abruptly because I think he was about to cry. I have never seen my father cry and that hurt my heart almost as much as having to say good-bye to my beloved grandfather. I wrote about him a few times. My grandfather might have seemed stoic and  stern, but that’s only if you didn’t know him. He was a real prankster and joker and he loved to tease us all as children. He has always been a real hard worker, staying out in the fields until the job is done, lending a hand where he knew one was needed. My grandfather only has an 8^th grade education but he is smarter than some college educated people I know. He loved reading the farming newspaper that came weekly and while he pretended not to care, he was always the one giving extra treats to the barn cats. My grandfather has been a wonderful grandfather, simply the best. He could be counted on to help out in whatever pinch you found yourself in, maybe grumbling in protest, but always making sure you were ok. I will go to visit with him tomorrow after the children are off with their grandmother. I have to work on my poker face because I don’t want him to see my crying, it will make it harder for him. I’m so sad my own kids never knew him the way that I did because he truly was an awesome PopPop.

 

The saga of Chica Marie’s tooth extraction extravaganza continues on into week number four. The oral surgeons office began calling CHOR because they didn’t get a response from the county case worker after having faxed her the information last week. I called the office to find this out and to understand what was needed. Then I emailed the CHOR case worker and the county case worker to see what could be done to expedite the process, since Chica Marie bumped her mouth playing with Love Bug this past weekend and complained the tooth was bothering her. She also started picking at the abscess making it bleed and she has a hard time eating due to the loose front teeth. The county case worker first emailed that she submitted the paperwork for the court order last week and hasn’t heard anything back. She then emailed later stating bio mom’s lawyer refused to sign the court order since bio mom has agreed to make herself available to sign the consent. So, the county case worker called the oral surgeon’s office advising them to contact bio mom for consent. If I don’t hear anything next week I will be making more phone calls and round and round we go until a final resolution weeks after the surgery could have been done if bureaucratic red tape didn’t stand in the way. What a stinking mess!

 

Love bug spiked a fever at daycare late yesterday afternoon. I left work an hour early to pick him up and take him home. He fell asleep not long after I got home with him and Chica Marie. Because he had a fever of 102, he wasn’t allowed back at daycare today. Fortunately, Esperanza was willing to stay with him during the day so I wouldn’t have to use one of my personal days I was saving for the holidays to be home with him. He seemed to be doing much better this morning, no fever, so while I reported his sickness to his grandmother, I don’t think it will prevent him from participating in the visit tomorrow. He had no other symptoms, other than being grumpy and a little lethargic.

 

So, that’s what I’ve got for now. I could really use a nap, so maybe that is how I will spend my free time tomorrow. Most likely I end up doing laundry, ha!