This is Halloween

I’m sitting here just grimacing in pain. My back cramps have migrated front to abdominal cramps. Fun. I know no one likes getting their period, but I hate mine to the point of sheer loathing. It’s bad enough my uterus and ovaries couldn’t get their act together to produce a child, now they need to torment me with heavy periods and painful cramps. Gee, thanks. Hmm…. I might also be PMS-ing, but who’s to say?

 

Despite my vicious back cramps, we went trick-or-treating last night. I had planned for us to have spaghetti with sausage. I didn’t cook the sausage the night before, but since I couldn’t sleep anyway due to a cat biting my nose, a dog whimpering to go outside, a hand that had fallen asleep and my own internal workings that simply won’t let me rest, I cooked the sausage yesterday morning. I was in a foul mood all weekend and the same cankerous spirit persisted through Monday morning as well. I should really talk to my doctor about getting a handle on my PMS. But, that was no help for my period, so why should I expect anything different for my hormones? Anyway, after a ghastly morning of rushing around and running late, I managed to make it through the busy day at work and come home to cook pasta and eat dinner. Primero was preoccupied on putting the final touches on his Greek god costume, applying the gold tattoos I found on clearance at the dollar store. Chica Marie was chomping at the bit to get her costume on and Love Bug was grumpy. We rushed through dinner and I hurriedly got the children ready. Chica Marie was a witch, so I painted her face green and added some other witch-y touches like purple eyeliner, black eyebrows and of course the obligatory black nose wart. Primero busied himself spray-painting a pair of my socks gold, since it was chilly and he only had flimsy gold sandals to wear. Love Bug didn’t eat much dinner and refused to put on his FBI vest, tie and ear piece. Primero convinced him to wear it as I threw on yoga pants, a white tank top and fleece jacket for my soccer mom outfit. We headed off to the neighborhood where we usually go trick-or-treating. We stopped at my friend’s house and then set off. Love Bug was happy to eat a lollipop and Chica Marie was set on collecting candy. Primero kept stopping to retie his lace-up sandals and my back cramps became more and more unbearable as we marched around the area for nearly an hour. Primero convinced me to stop over at his uncles house on the way home, but his uncle didn’t answer the door because he thought we were trick-or-treaters. I was glad to be back home but I had to get Chica Marie’s face cleaned off so she could get ready for bed. And I had the dinner dishes to wash. Primero sequestered himself in his room taking pictures of himself in his costume and Love Bug begged for more candy while watching TV. Fortunately, I had done dishes that morning so there weren’t as many to wash. Primero finally came back upstairs when I was done and trying to cajole Love Bug into his pajamas. I put Love Bug to bed and took a shower before sitting down to watch Dancing with the Stars (we taped it).

 

This past weekend I was a total shithead mother. I was pissy and miserable and it just wasn’t one of my finest moments. Esperanza spent the night on Friday and we rented the new Ghostbusters movie, which I really liked, but it meant staying up to late to watch it. So, there was strike one not in my favor. Love Bug cannot sleep past 7:30, so he woke me up too early Saturday morning. I dozed for another 30 minutes after Love Bug got up and when I found him in the living room, he had made a massive mess and got into some of Primero’s things. Strike two. Before I could make the kids breakfast, I had to wash the two sinks full of dishes. Strike 2 1/5. I made breakfast and started cleaning, which almost always makes me grumpy. Then I found cat pee in Chica Marie’s bedroom and that was it, I was a miserable mess, griping at having to clean and then re-clean because as we all know, cleaning with kids is like trying to brush your teeth while eating an Oreo. Primero and Esperanza finally drug themselves out of bed around 12:30, after I put the kids down for their nap. I had to get ready to take Chica Marie to karate and I was short with her, rushing her to get into her new uniform, getting angry when I realized we forgot her nun chucks, only to get there and find out the class had been cancelled. Sunday I did a little better, but I was still immensely crabby and short with the kids.

 

Of course, when I act stupid like this, I get down on myself. My negative inner voice does not help the situation, telling myself I’m an awful mother and how could I get angry with these precious children when they are what I wanted for so long. I need to work on taming my inner beast better, swallowing more of my angry words and trying to be nicer to myself when things aren’t perfect. Easier said than done, but something I need to keep striving towards.